Perhaps you read this title and think…”I know this!” Go ahead, take a moment and think of a few things you believe to be utterly crucial in your relationship with your spouse.
You may find that some of your answers line up with mine, but they may be out of order. Just as we often get our priorities with our families out of whack, we let our priorities in our marriage get a bit out of order, too.
Before we delve into the order in which we should approach these Godly characteristics (yes, they are Godly), let’s discuss what our tendencies are. As women, we tend to want to control and perhaps even “mother” our spouses.
Did I surprise you? I didn’t think so. You know this to be true. You probably battle “knowing what is best for your husband” and longing to “encourage him to do it this way” on a daily basis. This is our nature. We are, after all, raised to be mothers! It is how God has designed us!
Guess what, ladies, your husband does NOT need another mother. One is more than enough for any man. I promise you. Even if (God forbid) his mother has already passed on, or is not in his life, he does NOT want you to fill that void. So don’t think you are doing him a favor. He is man and he does not need another mama.
Okay, now we can move on since we have addressed the big white elephant in the room (please do NOT tell your mother-in-law that I called her that… I really don’t want to have to explain!).
I know you may think the first and foremost characteristic of a Godly wife is “submissive” or “follower.” Yes, this is one of them, but it isn’t the first! Above all, you are your husband’s friend!
Say that with me. “I am my husband’s friend.”
You are his buddy. You keep him from being lonely. You are someone he can talk to without feeling judged or critiqued. It has been this way since the very beginning!
And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him…and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. And Adam said: ‘This is now the bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man.’ Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:18-24
Stay with me here (oh I wish I could expound!)… Before Eve was to submit or support, before she had to cook dinner and clean the house, long before she had to deal with parenting approaches, she was his friend. They probably strolled through the wilderness together. Talking, having fun, laughing, making love, just being together! Friends. They were truly friends first. And it is no different for us. If you don’t have the foundation of friendship you will find yourself mothering – and guess what, that is disrespectful to your husband (see #3!).
2. You are His Follower
You knew this would be on the list but it is very important that it come after being a friend. While being submissive is crucial, you shouldn’t be a robot – just going along with everything. He needs to first know he can talk to you. Bounce ideas off of you. Hang out with you! Then when he needs you, he knows you have his back and will follow him where ever he leads because you are his best friend.
Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. 1 Peter 3:1-2
Let me just point out one itty bitty little detail right there: “even if some do not obey the word” means that even if your husband isn’t where you think he should be with the Lord (ahem, mother) you still need to follow him. When he sees your respect for him, your consistency and your love for him and the Lord, it is going to strike a mighty chord with him. How do I know this? The Bible tells me so!
Best friend plus follower equals biggest fan!
3. You are His Greatest Fan
My husband and I have said this to each other from day one…”I am your biggest fan.” I said that right after I told him I don’t care if we live in a cardboard box together…just as long as we are together.
Do I mean that?
Yes. To my core. I would follow my husband anywhere. I trust him. I love him. I know he will fail (he is not perfect) and I know he will struggle. We will fight and at times feel like giving up. But through it all I will show him I am his greatest fan by respecting him.
Say that with me: “I will respect my husband.” One more time: “I will respect my husband.”
That is the number one way to love your husband and to show him you are his biggest fan: respect.
Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5:33
I could write a whole post about that verse – what it means in detail for women to respect their husbands and husbands to love their wives. For the sake of being a “greatest fan” we will simplify it: God commands you to respect your husband. It is the highest form of love you can show him (yes, even more than that kind of love). If he feels disrespected, he feels unloved. Respect your man and show him you are his greatest and biggest fan!