The thought first entered my mind two weeks after the wedding: I’ve married the wrong person.
I sat on the edge of the bed in the Extended Stay hotel and wished I was Dorothy. Three clicks of my heels just might deliver me back into the one-bedroom apartment I lived in three weeks earlier.
In one month we had gotten married, moved to a new state for the first time – ever – for both of us, bought a house, sold a house, and were starting new jobs.
Now we were living in an Extended Stay as we waited to move, and we were also having our first fight – over coffee, of all things.
I made a mistake. I chose poorly. I married the wrong person.
These were the thoughts running through my head. But now I was married. There was no do-over this time.
That was the first time I grasped how hard this marriage thing was going to be.
I used to think I was a bad person to think such things. How could a new bride feel this way already? Then my pastor said something that made me feel a little more normal. He said, “If you haven’t yet wondered if you’ve married the wrong person, then you haven’t been married for longer than a week.” This confirmed that I wasn’t the only one. Even the most godly have wondered if they married the wrong person.
If married couples are honest, I think most have had this thought before.
For me that was the first time, but it wasn’t the last.
However, I have learned to capture this thought before it turns into an ugly thought that causes ugly reactions. I began to recognize the enemy’s scheme to use this thought to draw me away from God’s truth and create a foothold of discontentment in my marriage.
Sometimes I believe the lie that if I did everything right, made all the right choices, if I were perfect, then my life would be just as I want it to be – perfect. I must be the cause of any adversity in my life.
Then I remember Job.
In the Bible, Job was a faithful man of God. Yet, despite his faithfulness, God allowed Satan to test him by taking all of his possessions, his family, and even his health.
“I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” ~John 16:33
This is the truth that I hold onto when thoughts that I married the wrong person come into my mind.
See, even though there are consequences for sin, I do not control all of the workings of my life. I don’t control other people. I don’t control some of my circumstances. And I don’t control God’s ultimate will and purpose.
Believing otherwise – that I can make perfect choices and have a perfect life – is a form of pride.
I also remember that my job is to honor God above all else. I am to honor God with my words, with my actions, and with my attitude. By focusing on honoring Him, I take the burden of a perfect outcome off of myself.
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” ~Romans 8:28
So, friends, when you feel like you’ve married the wrong person, remember Job and remember who you are made to honor. God’s thoughts are not our thoughts, so there is no telling the reasons for the circumstances He allows. But there is a reason. A reason that affects eternity and is good.
Let’s encourage each other! Share whether you’ve had this thought before and how you seek to overcome it before it becomes a foothold of discontentment.
** We know that every situation and marriage relationship is different. If you find yourself in a situation that is not healthy or safe, please get the help you need from a pastor or counselor.