The wind swirls causing little wisps of hair to fall across her face.
The sun beats down warming the moist cold enveloping the earth’s early morning.
The lone goose flies low over the water looking for breakfast.
Black, long legs of a dog stretch as he begins the morning ventures into the dew covered grass.
She sips her coffee and breathes, sucking in the air in long gulps, willing herself to relax, breathe.
She recalls the evening before.
Her words cut like a knife. The plate shattered in frustration. The milk jug on its side pouring white liquid across the dining room table, a testament to an evening gone terribly wrong.
How did they get here?
How did she get here?
Lord, I know that a soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger (Proverbs 15:1).
Yet, it never fails. He says that one thing, the thing that bothers me the most, and I answer quickly and in sin.
Why can’t I control my tongue (James 3)?
And these kids. Oh, the kids. So many of them.
They wear on me all day. They nag and question and disobey. They take every ounce of energy I have.
I am such a failure, a disappointment.
The very people I love, my actions condemn.
This has been my life song and verse these last couple of weeks.
What a battle it is to fight for joy among the chaos. What a battle it is to trust the Lord when the going gets tough. What a battle it is when your back aches from lifting a clingy child, and your eyes burn from the many tears shed.
But then I remember, God is not ashamed to be called my God. He is committed to me. He is pleased with me. My efforts and even failures do not change His everlasting love for me.
As my circumstances consume more and more of me, I am tempted to revert to self-sufficiency and works-based righteousness. Yet, God calls me to lay it at the foot of the Cross. To allow Him to walk with me, carrying me where He must, and trust Him – lean fully into His loving embrace.
Do you wonder if you disappoint?
Then, be encouraged. God is not ashamed of you! He is not disappointed in you. Lean into Him today. He wants to hear from you!
Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us. ~Psalm 62:8
What do you need to lay aside today and trust that you are made clean?
This post was originally published March 5, 2012.