When You Wonder if You Disappoint
Do you ever wonder if you disappoint God? Then keep reading …
The wind swirls causing little wisps of hair to fall across her face.
The sun beats down warming the moist cold enveloping the earth’s early morning.
The lone goose flies low over the water looking for breakfast.
Black, long legs of a dog stretch as he begins the morning ventures into the dew covered grass.
She sips her coffee and breathes, sucking in the air in long gulps, willing herself to relax, breathe.
She recalls the evening before.
Her words cut like a knife. The plate shattered in frustration. The milk jug on its side pouring white liquid across the dining room table, a testament to an evening gone terribly wrong.
How did they get here?
How did she get here?
Lord, I know that a soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger (Proverbs 15:1).
Yet, it never fails. He says that one thing, the thing that bothers me the most, and I answer quickly and in sin.
Why?
Why can’t I control my tongue (James 3)?
And these kids. Oh, the kids. So many of them.
They wear on me all day. They nag and question and disobey. They take every ounce of energy I have.
I am such a failure, a disappointment.
The very people I love, my actions condemn.
This has been my life song and verse these last couple of weeks.
What a battle it is to fight for joy among the chaos. What a battle it is to trust the Lord when the going gets tough. What a battle it is when your back aches from lifting a clingy child, and your eyes burn from the many tears shed.
But then I remember, God is not ashamed to be called my God. He is committed to me. He is pleased with me. My efforts and even failures do not change His everlasting love for me.
As my circumstances consume more and more of me, I am tempted to revert to self-sufficiency and works-based righteousness. Yet, God calls me to lay it at the foot of the Cross. To allow Him to walk with me, carrying me where He must, and trust Him – lean fully into His loving embrace.
Do you wonder if you disappoint?
Then, be encouraged. God is not ashamed of you! He is not disappointed in you. Lean into Him today. He wants to hear from you!
Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us. ~Psalm 62:8
What do you need to lay aside today and trust that you are made clean?
This post was originally published March 5, 2012.
What a gracious, tender post! Thank you for sharing it. It definitely softly touches those places in my heart that are still sore from my own actions and words that have hurt my special guy friend lately and caused me to be so disappointed in myself, that I have a hard time believing others are not equally disappointed. Thank you for the reminder of God’s grace @ the foot of the Cross. 🙂
I am so glad you were encouraged. It is so easy to condemn ourselves, but that only says to Jesus that what He did wasn’t enough for us…and this is just not true. I pray that you feel His abundant pleasure and grace today! 🙂
Thanks for refreshing me this morning. My life is not nearly as stressful as yours (kids are grown), but still I snap or overreact lots of times. How sweet to remember that the Lord sees me as His loved and forgiven child, so He is not ashamed to be my God.
What a wonderful post! I was struggling with feelings of failure the other week over something. Instead, God picked me up and showed me through scripture that He didn’t view me as a failure. He showed me that He definitely was not ashamed…in fact, He showed me that He was proud of me. That blew me away because I tend to look at what I did wrong, and God was showing me who I was in Christ. I am so thankful for the difference!
I have been really on edge. With the move and all I have on my to do list…I have been extremely demanding and snappy with Shelby (2 1/2). I am not being the mommy I should be and am floating between two extremes! Thanks for sharing this 🙂
His love is amazing! Thanks for the reminder.
Beautiful reminder… Thanks for linking up to Mommy Monday! 🙂
Thanks for the great reminder to not give into discouragement! God will carry our burdens…but we need to lay them down first! Blessings, Joan
Yes! I really needed that today! I always and I mean always go to the self-sufficiency route since that has always been my way of life since I was very young. I never really looked at it that way but its what I always do. I think I have never trusted anyone to carry my burdens so its hard to just lay it all at someone else’s feet. Thanks for this encouragement.
This is something that I struggle with a lot. I often think that if God can be pleased with me that that must mean he can be disappointed in me. When I don’t respond the way he would want me to or I’ve made a bad decision. It’s still something I struggle with.
Once we have confessed our sins to our Father and turned from our sins, our relationship is restored with Him. Yes, it grieves Him when we sin, but if we confess those sins and turn from them He’s not carrying around the weight of disappointment. The Cross is sufficient. The empty grave is victorious. I’d encourage you read the book of 1 John. It’s a go-to for me when I’m struggling to believe God’s great love for me.
Leigh Ann, this is a beautiful post.
Life has a way of beating us up sometimes and the enemy tends to come in like a flood during those moments of weakness, as we all know. But I get reminded of the Scripture from Isaiah 59:19 that says when the enemy comes in like a flood, our Lord raises up a standard against him.” Praise God that He is fighting our battles for us and we’ve already won, even when we don’t feel like we’re winning at all. (Especially then)
Thank you for reminding us all that we are loved, cared for and deeply protected in our Savior’s arms. God bless you!