Samuel is a wonderful sleeper. He sleeps more than twelve hours at night, and he takes two naps a day. Most days, I am the one to retrieve him from his slumber, and each time, I’m sorely disappointed.
I hear stories of babies who get excited when Mommy walks in the room, greeting Mommy with a smile and reaching up arms of love for Mommy’s embrace. I hear these stories and I think, not me. My baby could care less that I’ve come to release him from his cage.
Honestly, I feel a bit rejected each time I walk in his room. He’s more excited about the farm animals shaped by wooden branches than he is about the very person who carried him for nine months, nursed him for thirteen months, and now works tirelessly to teach and care for him on a daily basis.
One day, while I was standing by Sam’s crib the thought came to me. Is this what Mark feels like when he comes home? He comes in from working all day managing customers, co-workers, and thinking outside the box so he can feed, clothe and shelter his family only to find a wife completely preoccupied. A wife completely absorbed in her own barn yard puzzle shaped like jumbled up letters on a keyboard and food ingredients.
I had been mulling these thoughts and analogies over in my mind for several days when one morning while the steam filled the bathroom, another thought occurred to me. Is this how God feels about my to-do list keeping quiet time, squeezing it in when I can?
I know you are enduring patiently and bearing up for my name’s sake, and you have not grown weary. But I have this against you that you have abandoned the love you had at first. -Revelation 2:3-4
As I worked backwards from my son, to my husband, to my God, I encountered my depravity, and my heart softened. I’ve only to look at my son and see myself. His preoccupation is my preoccupation. His agenda is my agenda. I have forgotten my first love.
Even though I am working on the right things, I fail to simply sit. I cannot bear fruit without first sitting at the feet of Jesus.
Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her. -Luke 10:41-42
I’ve grown lazy in my time with the Lord. I’ve extended myself far more grace than necessary. I must return to my mornings with the Lord.
Or do you suppose it is to no purpose that Scripture says, “He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us”? -James 4:5
Returning to Him says, “I need you. I can’t do this on my own. I surrender.”
But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” -James 4:6
The good news is God will meet me. He doesn’t look at me with disdain for neglecting Him, calling me an ungrateful child who fails to remember what He did for me on Calvary Hill. He sees me through the lens of Christ, and He will lead me as I seek to bow at His feet, kiss the man of my prayers when he arrives home, and wait for a son to care that the only way out of his crib is me.