Sitting across the table, legs curled underneath me and money hidden under my thigh, I roll the dice and advance to Boardwalk. It’s Thursday night, date night, and we’re feeding our competitive nature. The conversation rolls around from work to play to children to planning, but never so deep that we lose our focus on gaining the monopoly of our most prized property.
For the most part, this routine, this mundane life, is okay. It’s okay as long as we’re feeding the relationship solid food and growing closer to the Lord and one another. But it’s not okay when we start merely going through the motions. It’s not okay when we cease to dig deeper with one another. It’s not okay when I can no longer remember when I attempted to learn something new about the man of my prayers. It’s not okay when we stop working at our relationship. It’s not okay, because at some point we’ll forget why we’re together in the first place. We’ll cease to enjoy relational intimacy.
I recently came across a post at Whole Intentions, entitled The Top Ten Reasons for Divorce. It’s an incredibly thought-provoking post, worth checking out if you have some extra reading time. When she said marriages that end in divorce average 9.8 years, I was shocked. But then it hit me. Of course, that’s just when the kids are old enough to care for themselves, and long enough for the same old, same old to get really old. And it’s long enough to forget why you got married in the first place, and long enough for you to no longer care. It’s humbling to think that, apart from the grace of God and a change of heart on my part, this could be me. This could be my marriage.
In their book, Love that Lasts, the Ricucci’s sum up why relational intimacy is so important, or at least the greatest benefit to maintaining relational intimacy, this way:
Relational intimacy is not only enjoyable in itself– it is a path to holiness, and that brings glory to God…God created us to communicate, and the real adventure of relational intimacy simply awaits our ongoing cooperation with the grace of God. When we pursue communication and fellowship with humility and honesty and spiritual discourse, there is no limit to the breadth and depth of relational intimacy we can enjoy! Beginning that journey of joy is only a conversation away!
So today, ask yourself if you are enjoying relational intimacy with your husband and what you can do to begin enjoying relational intimacy again. If you’re a subscriber to Intentional By Grace, then you’ve likely seen the eBook A Surrendered Marriage: A Guide to Intentional Conversations at the bottom of each post. You can read more about this eBook here. If you haven’t, then check down at the bottom of your email for this very helpful guide to igniting conversation in your marriage.
It’s been too long since my husband and I sat down with this guide ourselves, and it’s time we revisit. It always opens a floodgate of conversation and helps us to evaluate the temperature of our marriage. Sometimes the conversations are hard, but they always yield abundant fruit (or we know we need to seek help from a trusted friend or pastor… yes we’ve done both!). So check out A Surrendered Marriage: A Guide to Intentional Conversations. Relational intimacy is a path to holiness. Don’t let too much time go by before you make a point to really connect with your man!