A few weeks ago a few of us did a mini-blog hop titled, From Mommy Guilt to Mommy Grace. One friend shared how she gave up going to Bible Study, and the result of that post prompted a conversation all to itself:
What about serving the local church?
Good question, which led me to thoughts on guilt and serving in the local church.
A few years ago, I was part of a church that focused very heavily on serving, serving, serving, serving the local church. A little after that, I was part of a church focused on serving and being a part of the community with a heavy focus on the poor and needy (in body, not just spirit). Now I’m a part of a church that teaches on figuring out God’s purpose for your life and then jumping in with both feet and serving diligently in that area, never serving out of obligation. All three churches have totally different approaches to what it looks like to “serve your local church.” And if I’m honest, I think they all, in part, have it right.
For the longest, I felt guilty for not “serving the children’s ministry” because I had a kid. But then I realized, I don’t even put my kid in children’s ministry! And now that I do, I don’t feel called or convicted to serve my church in the children’s ministry, nor have they asked me to.
When there was a need for our children’s ministry, I still did not step up because I did not feel God’s call (*gasp*). Instead, I waited upon Him to show me His perfect will. Because every need is not your calling. Instead, my heart is in the young families ministry seeking to help lead us into deeper, more intentional relationships with one another. My heart and mission is in making better parents, better families. That’s my calling.
I think “serving the local church” has become an idol in our culture (especially in the area of children’s ministry) that we fail to remember we have all been given various gifts and are called to use them in varying ways (Romans 12:6, 1 Corinthians 12:4-7). And sometimes, for a season, that calling only includes our immediate family (Titus 2, Proverbs 31).
My friend was attacked by worn out church servants for not serving her church in the children’s ministry, but these faithful servants didn’t have a clue what this poor mama was (and is) going through right now. I agree, motherhood is not an excuse to stop serving and just because it’s hard is not an excuse to stop reaching out. But motherhood is a reason to breathe grace in and breathe grace out because even though it’s hard it’s one of the most rewarding jobs and greatest privileges (that needs a whole lot of encouragement).
I believe a mom must grow in managing her brood while finding time to reach out beyond her family (Proverbs 31). For some that may be slower than the local church would like, but boy, I’m sure glad God is a patient God who loves me enough to never leave me in my present state. Furthermore, I believe if there is a true need in a church, God will provide for the need just as He’s been so faithful to do for all eternity.
As a community of believers (who all want what is best for our churches), we can do our part by coming together in love and trusting His Spirit to move right on time, every time. Yes, we are called to hold one another accountable (in the right context), but we’re to do this with gentleness and humility (Galatians 6:1-2) … with love which covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8).
So the next time we’re tempted to express frustrations at the lack of servants in our church …
- Why not consider that God has something to teach to our sister in Christ and maybe we can be a conduit of grace and help for her to change?
- Why not pray that the Holy Spirit would convict her and entrust her into her Father’s loving arms instead of condemning and pouring guilt out in abundance?
- Why not come alongside this sister in Christ, bearing her burdens together in love (not just in prayer)?
Don’t call her into account based on your own convictions (Romans 14), but based on God’s Word and His formula for calling into account (Matthew 7:1-6, 7:12-14, 18:15-20, Galatians 6:1-2, 2 Timothy 2:24-26, 2 Timothy 4:2).
I know this is a touchy subject, but you read Intentional By Grace because you are women who want to make it impossible to not think about God wherever you go. Therefore, I don’t want us to be women who say we’ll pray and then do nothing else. I don’t want us looking around at others in our church comparing and judging in our hearts. I want us to call ourselves into account, searching our hearts, and then seek to bear the burdens of one another. I want revival and it starts with you…with me. It starts with Christians learning to love one another well. We gather enough criticism and dirty looks from those who don’t know the Lord. We don’t need it in our churches too. My dear friends, let us not be idol makers of serving the local church that we quench the Spirit of God at work in each individual. Let us be women who make it impossible to not think about God wherever we go and in whatever we do.
When I Will Pray for You Isn’t Enough
I agree with this post sooo much ! In many churches I have been in, it has been making people feel so guilty they commit to things, or they leave. We have to be faithful to our calling and not expect everyone to do everything. Loved the blog today !
Thanks, Danielle!
Thank you for your courage in writing this post! It has helped lift a burden I didn’t see I was carrying .. I had volunteered in our children’s area at church and then felt called to move out of that position. In reading this, I see the guilt I have felt for not serving there anymore, yet now I can see how the Lord has been preparing me and moving me into other areas (like homeschooling my son). I am now praying about serving in our Stephen’s Ministry, which is something the Lord just impressed on me recently. I am thankful for you writing about this, to guard our hearts about judging others and laying guilt upon our own heads.
Tracey, you’re welcome! And go you for following the Lord’s lead!
Girl – you speak to me. Thanks. Every need is not my calling. And that’s a good thing – truthfully. I’d just flub stuff up. 😉
Yea, when I try to do things that God hasn’t asked me to do, it gets pretty ugly!
My husband and I work in a ministry where we can have the kids with us and it is not an issue. It is also a ministry that is scheduled as a once a month service time, so that also makes it family friendly.
However, I have been in churches where, if you were not serving every Sunday, then something was wrong with you. And that is just too much.
I know they say 80% of the work and 80% of the giving are done by 20% of the congregation, but there needs to be a way to change that somehow.
I totally agree, Christine. We were talking with a pastor who said he saw a greater result in servants within the church when a need was expressed from the pulpit. Sometimes church members don’t know where to get involved or how to find their calling. Teaching is something I believe our church (still very new to us church since we only moved here a year ago) does well. I don’t know if that’s the answer, but I know it certainly helps! Some people simply don’t know where or how to serve. And that’s where we come alongside and help them find the Lord’s call for them.
By the way, love that you can serve as a family! We are always on the lookout for ways to serve as a family!
It’s the “all or nothing” mentality. After spending 24 hours with a knot in my gut, I recently had to tell my ministry leader “no”, changing my mind, because my initial “yes” was motivated by public shaming and stares from her while speaking to a large gathering of people. I want to serve God out of joy, love and gratitude, not shame, guilt or manipulation. And I am single, by the way.
Thank you for this post, Leigh Ann! I need to place a sign somewhere in my home that says “Every need is not my calling”. That would save lots of headache!
Yes. I say it over and over and over to myself!
Leigh Ann, I love you and your honesty!!! I am glad to know I am not the only mama out there that does not feel called to serve in the nursery. I had such a weight lifted from my shoulders when I realized that is not my calling. It also makes me so thankful for the men and women who do serve in there, I truly appreciate the service they do for my children and I. I agree, that people should pray about where they serve and wait for God’s leading, and do serve in the strength HE provides. Him in us is what gets stuff done and ministers to people. PS I don’t know if I ever commented, but I LOVED your “Every Need is not your Calling” Post & video 🙂 Keep spreading the grace!!!
Well you just made my day. You don’t work in the nursery either? I knew I liked you. 😉 {clearly I’m being sarcastic on why I like you} Every need is not your calling is my life song at the moment as I feel pulled in a million different directions, but I go back to my God-given mission (in both life and blogging, but they’re basically the same) and it always clears my mind.
Yes, yes, yes! I am so with you on this, friend! My husband and I have struggled with this so much. And don’t get me started on the children’s ministry issue! lol
So yes, I agree that you should NOT feel guilty because someone in your church is trying to guilt you into service. Seriously! Why are people so harsh about this? Oh yeah, we’re sinners. =)
As for me, I keep seeing needs in my church, and I want to serve! I’m mentoring 3 younger ladies right now who are all having marriage problems. I sing in the choir and praise team. I love babies, and I really love to get to work with them once a month or so. Based on my mentoring stuff, I feel like the Lord wants me to lead a marriage Bible study/discipleship group.
God is very clear about the stuff we “older” ladies are supposed to help you younger ladies with – making a home, showing you how to love & respect your hubs, raising Gospel kids. And He tells us to take care of orphans and widows. And He tells us to worship together, which is why I sing – to help lead the congregation to worshiping God through song. These are the things He’s impressed upon my heart at this stage in my life. And everyone is different, because we all have different gifts.
Oh yeah, and I work full time, and I blog (sporadically), and I have an 11 yo son, a husband, 2 dogs, and the occasional foster child. I know, it sounds really crazy, but I don’t feel overwhelmed (very often). I think that the Lord gives us what we need, to do what He wants us to do. Right?
So here’s my older women admonition to you ladies who struggle with guilt: don’t let the super-servers steal your joy! Serving MUST start at home. Take care of your self with Bible study, your hubs with respect, and your kiddos with love and attention. IF you have any energy leftover, ask Him and your husband what you should do. If you don’t have anything left for serving, don’t fret! There will be plenty of time when your kids are not living with you any more, and you’ll be the servant for the next generation of frazzled moms. =)
My favorite advice: “figure out God’s purpose for your life and then jump in with both feet and serve diligently in that area, never serving out of obligation.” (sorry for this book!)
Jenni, your words made me tear up. Thank you for reminding me that my responsibility is with my home first. My church is huge and is always in need of volunteers but I haven’t been able to serve since I became a mom — I tried to but was constantly late, so I finally gave up. I haven’t served in about 4 years and have felt guilty about it. I have two little kids and I work full time and I can’t commit to serving right now.
Jenni, do you want to guest post that for me? 🙂 you know with our extra time? That was wonderfully encouraging!
Your article is nice and true to an extent… There are women whose husbands are in the ministry like mine that often do not have the option of not being involved unless the Lord leads them. They are women that must fill the holes of ministry. They are the women that need people to see the need and take the lead… yes, every need is not their calling either but they serve anyway. They desire with their whole heart that others would also learn to serve the Lord, not just so they don’t have to fill that hole any more but so that more members of the body of Christ were working together for purpose of teaching, reaching, and discipling.
I wish more women were like Jenni and would realize their opportunity to be a blessing to other moms and step in when their children leave so that the younger mothers can get a break in serving. I wonder sometimes why so many people choose to warm their seats and choose to do nothing and then begrudge the fact that you simply asked for a little help every once in a while.
After a few years experience my husband and I have learned that someday if the Lord gives us the opportunity we will not create ministries unless there are people with a heart to serve in them. There is no need for a variety of children’s ministries if you cannot find people willing to serve there… Smaller churches can easily get into a trap of creating ministries just because a bigger church has or does it and then obligate their members to serving where they may not have a heart.
We even know of a lady that automatically volunteers women that are new to the church and places them on the nursery list because it is a “first step” ministry. It is always right to approach women before automatically assigning them to ministry tasks. It’s courtesy.
Don’t be so harsh on people begging for helpers to be a part of their ministry… the pressure may be on them from their Sunday School Administrator or their pastor. It’s a hard balance when you’re the one behind the scenes, sometimes trying to find people qualified is hard enough.
Try to show respect when you decline an offer to serve and leave the door open. You never know when God just might open your heart to serve where you never expected!
Oh, I never meant to be harsh toward those asking for help. I simply was calling to light not to allow bitterness to creep in when a young mom isn’t serving. I’m sorry if I came across that way. I think you make some wonderful points!
My husband is a trained youthworker and musically talented, and I also have a background in youthwork, so as a young married couple, it can be so so difficult to say no when we know that we have the skills that they are looking for… In the first year of our marriage, we felt so so guilty turning down helping at a conference we have been helping at for years and just attending it together instead, but we felt it was something God had asked us to do, and although people didn’t necessarily understand at the time, it ended up being a HUGE blessing!
So thank you for the affirmation Leigh Ann. It is so hard to confuse our relationship with God with our ministry and let it become our idol, whereas it should always be: God, Family, Ministry.
Claire
This post is so relevant, Leigh Ann, I encourage you to post it again (and again).
When you see someone who is called to a particular ministry (as opposed to guilted into it or doing it because they “ought to”), the Lord shines through them. Their work will energize them, and be accompanied by joy, peace and other yummy spirit fruits, as well as by His presence. Everybody’s happier!
Good writing! Important message!
I’ve just prayed the Lord would speak to me , after a heated discussion in my prayer group this evening. The usual “children’s ministry” topic raised it’s head and I declared how much I don’t feel lead to it, even though I’m a teacher!!! (Shame on me.) I watch others around me exhausted and weary and feel extremely guilty. I believe the Lord is directing me into other areas. I also do a lot of work behind closed doors, which others don’t see. I just feel that unless you’re seen going out to children’s work that you have no value.
Your words have really impacted me this evening and I’ve no doubt God has spoken to me through them. I’m heading to bed reassured that I’m following the path which is spirit lead( not man lead). God bless H