Too often my motives in bringing ideas to my husband haven’t been pure.
Manipulation comes easily to me. My flesh errs on the side of doing what it takes to get what I want. I’m tenacious and meticulous in playing my cards right, and this is bad. This is sin. This is a temptation that I am constantly on guard against.
By God’s grace, I’m aware of my temptation to manipulate and can go to battle against my flesh with the sword of truth.
When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth, for he will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that are to come. He will glorify me, for he will take what is mine and declare it to you. ~John 16:13-14
As helper to my husband, I have a unique ability to speak into his life. I know that my husband trusts me and puts great weight on what I bring to him. This puts the fear of God in me because I know my temptation is to do the will of Leigh Ann and not the will of God.
But like the great Helper, I must not speak on my own authority, doing my own will. I must seek to bring glory to God through the way I speak to my husband.
When it comes to bringing ideas and concerns to my husband, I have learned that presentation matters, which means my heart matters. I must follow the Holy Spirit’s guidance in all things including what and how I bring ideas, correction, and direction to my husband.
Yesterday, Mark shared three things to consider when bringing ideas to your husband. Today, I want to add three more because I think presentation of what you’re bringing to your husband will go a long way.
1. Know your need for your husband
Even with all of my research, prayer, and thoughtfulness, I am not above deception. Just as my husband needs me, I need him.
I need his protection, wisdom, and guidance. I am thankful for the times he has pulled me out of the fire when I didn’t even know I was on the brink of destruction.
Wives, God is gracious to give us husbands. Just like Eve, we are easily deceived, and our husbands can be a line of defense against the schemes of the Devil. But too often, we overlook the protection of God because we’re impatient and desirous of our own way.
2. Be on guard against manipulation
When bringing ideas to your husband, humility, gentleness, and kindness should infiltrate your heart. If your husband feels threatened, disrespected, or judged, then your idea or thought will be rejected quickly.
This isn’t about manipulation. It’s about a holy fear and commitment to helping our husbands as God intended.
Nagging, pouting, silence, withholding affection, yelling, or you fill in the blank with your preferred method of manipulation is not God’s way. It will not work, but a respectful and pure conduct, which includes gentleness and humility among others, will help bring about God’s plan for your family.
3. Trust the Lord with all things
Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives — when they see your respectful and pure conduct. ~1 Peter 3:1-2
Wives, we must take God at His Word. If your husband rejects your idea or correction, don’t grow angry and bitter. Trust God. Pray for your husband’s heart.
Let your idea or concern rest for a bit. God knows the condition of your family. Continue in prayer for God’s intervention while you continue to love and engage your husband and children.
Waiting on the Lord can be hard.
Waiting for my husband to get on board with family devotions was a test of my faith. Like my husband mentioned yesterday, he didn’t jump on board enthusiastically right away. He countered my thoughts with a hundred reasons why family devotions with a toddler would not work.
However, I kept taking my burdens to the Lord. I continued to trust in God and waited patiently (and sometimes impatiently) for His timing.
It took nearly three months (if memory serves) for the idea to even be implemented. Eventually my husband hopped on board, but I was the one who would have to remind the family it was time for devotions each day. It would be another six months before ownership and excitement from my husband would come.
Now, he leads family devotions and rarely a day goes by that we don’t read from God’s Word before we begin our day. It’s me who forgets and neglects them most days now. Thankfully it’s not up to me alone to make sure they happen anymore!
Living the Gospel at home starts with your marriage. As wives, we must be on guard against manipulation and instead learn to be a true helper to our husbands.
Sign up for the 21-day prayer challenge and begin praying for your marriage. As you pray, consider ways God is calling you to be a helper to your husband.
If your husband is willing, set up a date to walk through the Forever By Grace Intentional Conversations. My husband and I do these often to evaluate our marriage and reconnect.
Your marriage matters in living the Gospel at home. It’s central in importance. Make it a priority to get it right.