• Shop
    • Made to Give Life Planner
    • Bible Reading Plans
    • Your Intentional Family Homeschool Planning Guide
    • Fruit of the Spirit Curriculum for Toddlers
  • Resources
    • Podcast
    • Blog
    • Mission Statement
    • Goal Action Plans
    • 2022 Intentional By Grace Reading Challenge
    • Bible Reading Plans
    • Monthly Checklists
    • Deals and Freebies for Christian Women
  • About
  • 2022 Planner
  • SHOP
  • Search
  • Menu
  • Skip to right header navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Before Header

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • YouTube

Intentional By Grace

Made to give life.

  • Shop
    • Made to Give Life Planner
    • Bible Reading Plans
    • Your Intentional Family Homeschool Planning Guide
    • Fruit of the Spirit Curriculum for Toddlers
  • Resources
    • Podcast
    • Blog
    • Mission Statement
    • Goal Action Plans
    • 2022 Intentional By Grace Reading Challenge
    • Bible Reading Plans
    • Monthly Checklists
    • Deals and Freebies for Christian Women
  • About
  • 2022 Planner
  • SHOP
  • Search

31 Days of Everyday Grace: It’s Not What I Want {Day 28}

its not what i want

Sitting there in the lowly lit dining room, fighting back tears, and sharing the raw honest truth was hard. I don’t much care for showing my vulnerable side. So when she asked me if I would ever reach out for help, for a shoulder, for friendship when my husband travels and it all becomes too much, I wanted to scream to anyone who would listen:

But it’s not what I want.

I don’t want you. I want him.

I don’t want your family. I want mine.

I don’t want to have to reach out for help. I want him here. With us. Where he belongs. Not out there fighting for faith, facing temptation, and splitting my heart in two because he missed yet another first for his babies.

It’s not what I want.

Traveling husbands. They just totally bite the dust. I want to use the word suck, but it’s not allowed at our house, and I figure it’s not allowed at yours either. But it’s true I guess. It just sucks.

She says, “It’s just a season. I promise.”

I know. But it’s a five year long season, and I’m growing very weary. I hate it more with each trip. I hate it more with each good bye kiss.

As I lay nursing our baby in the quiet of the morning, I thought back over the evening before. What grace. Everyday grace. There are so many ways in which I see God’s comforting hand on my life, and as I begin a new day with him gone.

When it all becomes too much, there’s a friend who has been there, waiting with open arms to welcome me home.

When my arms hurt from lifting one more crying baby, there’s a friend I can call on who will carry my burdens with me.

When I want to throw a toddler temper tantrum, there’s a friend who will let me, and then gently point me back to the Cross.

When he travels, and my heart feels like it might burst, Jesus stands in the gap, walking hand-in-hand with me even though I’m a little mad at Him.

When I don’t want to say good bye, I thank God that I have a man that I never want to be away from. A man that I love and cherish and not just walk alongside because we share two beautiful children.

It’s grace. All of grace. Everyday grace. It’s not what I want. But I will move forward in faith. And I will pray. Pray really hard.

31 days of everyday grace

This post is part of 31 Days of Everyday Grace series. You can see all the posts here.

Share
Pin
Tweet
0 Shares

Filed Under: Family, Marriage

About Leigh Ann Dutton

Leigh Ann Dutton is the wife to the man of her prayers, Mark, and mama to four loveable little cherubs. She takes joy in spending her days creating memorable moments with her family, studying God's Word, reading good books, and enjoying God's creation. She does it all by the grace of God.

Previous Post: « 31 Days of Everyday Grace: I Am a Mother {Day 27}
Next Post: 31 Days of Everyday Grace: He Fills in the Gaps of My Failures {Day 30} »

Primary Sidebar

Get Inspired

Free Resources

Free Printable Topical Bible Reading Plans

Search the Site

Browse the Archives

Get Social

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • YouTube

IBG

About

Contact

Subscribe

Advertise   |   Disclosure Policy   |   Privacy Policy   |