Life has gotten crazy busy yet again for our family. The list of “due yesterday” is five pages long and the responsibilities weigh on my shoulders like a couple of anvils from a Road Runner cartoon, except I am not as fast as the Road Runner to get away from it all!
Ever since Leigh Ann and I watched Mom’s Night Out, the term “stress paralyzed” has been used more than once, and I have yet to find my manly version of it. I get in this “mode” often and just feel like I am failing at everything I attempt.
The reality is that it is not as bad as I think it is, and it is really my own set of expectations more than anyone elses. Besides, only God get’s His to-do list done everyday anyway, right?
One of my favorite quotes to go to when I am overwhelmed by all of my shortcomings and failures is this one by Paul David Tripp,
“You see, the character of a life is not set in two or three dramatic moments, but in 10,000 little moments. The character that was formed in those little moments is what shapes how you respond to the big moments of life.”(You can read the rest of this post later, I highly recommend it).
We all want to change and grow, but so often we expect it to come from one or two big life changes, when that is just not how it works.
The same concept applies in our marriage. We want a good marriage, we want to grow and even see change in our marriage (unless you are perfect and you can just stop reading, because I don’t know how to talk to you people!), but we think it has to be done in a big shift, habit or resolution. This is truly a false belief.
Men, I will get to you in a couple of paragraphs. You can skip this section if you want to (scroll down to find MEN categorized below).
To all of you (married) ladies who are faithful Intentional By Grace readers, you will realize by the title of the post that this one really isn’t for you. You may be tempted to read through the list of ideas below, and “grade” your husband on how many of these he does and doesn’t do on a regular bases, or even ever done before. However, that is not the purpose of this post.
This post was created to remind us all for our need for grace, and NOT be tempted to grade our performance. I can promise you God is less concerned with how good any of us do in getting it all right, and much more concerned with how much we rely on the grace given to us by Him through the sacrifice of His son Jesus. And, even more concerned with how much we extend that grace to other.
Ladies, here is how you can use this post:
1. Pass it on
Pass this post on to your husbands, and tell them I asked you to. If they take offense, they can email me directly and tell me how they feel, but I don’t think that will be the case.
You see, I didn’t write this post to create another to-do list for them (because I sure don’t need anyone else adding to mine!).
I wrote this post to give them some practical tips and to remind them that they don’t have to sweep you off your feet to show you love. I want to tell them that regular little moments of love speak much louder than big moments that happen few and far between.
2. Create your own list
Expand the list, or make one that is specific to your favorite ways to be loved.
3. Create a list of your own to show your husband love
Take a minute to jot down ideas of how you can show your husband love, and even consider asking him for help.
4. Talk about it together
Consider combining 2 & 3 above and setup a time to communicate to each other “little things” that makes each of you feel loved.
Men, here is how you can use this post:
Now, for the men who have made it to this post through recommendation or through a search, I applaud you for taking the time and giving the consideration to how you can love your wife better and perhaps even in new ways. It takes true humility to accept help, and even more to seek it out. I personally could benefit from some growth in this area.
As I mentioned above to the ladies, this is not a report card of what you are good at and what you are not, but a list of ideas to remind you that it is the little things that make a difference.
Loving your wife well on a daily basis simply takes consideration and intentionality. While being present and having resources definitely affects what we can do to show our wife love, we don’t need near as much time and money as we think we do!
Disclaimer: This is a list that I put together from my lens of marriage. It is partial to my wife’s personality, preferences, and love languages so they all may not apply to your marriage. I hope the list will provide some easy ideas for you, but also stir up ideas that you can customize to fit your wife.
Lastly, I absolutely stink at being intentional with these things. It was super convicting and even shameful for me to write it down and realize how I miss so many opportunities to show my wife Love in the little things.
Without further ado, here are 20 Quick Ways To Show Your Wife Love:
1. Take her coffee or her favorite drink while still in bed.
2. Send her e-cards (123greetings.com) or leave her notes where only she will find them (e.g., purse, underwear drawer, etc.)
3. Run her a warm bath and light a candle. Find her and say, “I have the kids. Go relax.”
4. Make breakfast before you leave for work or prep ahead as much of the breakfast as you can (e.g., oatmeal on the stove with bowls prepped).
6. Bring home her favorite chocolate bar.
7. Clean her car (inside and out).
8. Come home early unannounced and send her to the coffee shop just to get a break.
9. Do the above and add in the completion of her least favorite chores around the house before she gets home.
10. Get up and take the kids to breakfast on a Saturday morning and leave her home to sleep in. For an added bonus, prep the coffee maker and plan a simple breakfast for her too.
11. Order lunch to be delivered to the house one day while you are at work, or show up with it before she begins preparing lunch for her and the kids. Note: You may or may not need to let her know before-hand depending on how it would serve your wife.
12. Call an hour before she starts to cook dinner (or twenty minutes in the case of my wife) and let her know you have plans to go out instead.
13. Do the laundry (while watching football on a Sunday afternoon?) – I find it relaxing.
14. Bring home flowers on a random night of the week for no reason other than to make her smile.
Yes, this is hard after a long day of work, but push through for one night every now and then, you will be surprised at how fulfilling it is to serve your wife. Jesus came to serve not to be served. This is my favorite example of being the example of Christ to our wives and kids. (Matthew 20:28)
16. Plan to not do anything for 30 minutes after the kids go to bed one night (outside of normal date nights, if you do them) and prepare a list of 5-10 questions to ask your wife. Just listen.
Note: When you take our 21-day prayer challenge for your marriage, we give you 52 Questions to Ask on Date Night for FREE. Choose 5-10 of those to ask instead of coming up with your own.
17. Write out your prayers for her everyday for a week and either leave the paper somewhere or email them to her.
18. Take time to plan with her each week to understand her needs and desires for herself and your children so you can best serve them.
19. Give her a foot massage while you listen to her tell you about her day.
20. Have an intentional conversation with your wife. An intentional conversation is a dialogue between you and your spouse that will help open the flood gates of communication and uncover any issues that need to be addressed in your marriage
My wife and I love setting aside time for Intentional Conversations. We have been participating in Intentional Conversations for nearly five years! This simple exercise has transformed our marriage time and time again. Our only regret is that we didn’t have them sooner!
We have put together a FREE eBook, Forever By Grace: A Guide to Intentional Conversations with Your Spouse, just for you so you, too, can experience growth in your marriage!
Using the simple worksheets provided, this short eBook will facilitate and encourage intentional conversations in your marriage. By completing an Intentional Conversation with your spouse, you will determine ways in which you can grow as not only an individual, but as a couple; thus strengthening your marriage for the glory of God.
To get your copy of Forever By Grace: A Guide to Intentional Conversations with Your Spouse simply go here.
Now I want to hear from you! What ways do you show love to your spouse?
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