The double line showed up before I could even put the stick down – the stick that revealed to me that there was not only one person in the small powder room of the downstairs in our house, but that there were really two.
Disbelief crowded my mind especially since only four days earlier a similar stick only showed one line. I guess He didn’t want me to know yet. This day was the day after Valentine’s Day after all. That would make the date easy to remember at least.
But the disbelief didn’t last long before I began pacing around the house, my husband still at work, and saying out loud, “Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh.”
Finally, I landed in a chair with my head in my hands bawling my eyes out and thanking God over and over again. He heard me. He answered my prayers. Finally I was a mother. At 35 years old, after a season of discontented singleness, and now a wife of four years to a husband who underwent a heart transplant two short years after the wedding, I often wondered, “Why God?” Today my “Why God?” became “Thank you, God, for hearing me.”
Standing back up with tears now matted to my face making it hard to move my cheeks, I was ready to get on the phone, log onto Facebook, and write a post to the world saying “I’m a mommy!”
But something held me back.
In the back of my mind I remembered “the rules” I had heard other women talk often about announcing a pregnancy.
“Wait three months.”
“Don’t tell your employer.”
“Just make sure everything is o.k. first.”
“Have your first appointment.”
“It’s best to keep it a secret for a while.”
As I contemplated the best time to make my grand announcement, the thought of waiting too long became heavy on my soul. I couldn’t help but sense that behind all of these well intentioned words there was more than just a proper time to announce a life. There was an anchor of fear that gave the words their weight. Fear of all the what-ifs that could go wrong with this life inside of me.
I did tell a few people. I couldn’t help it. But I was still holding back from telling others, and the more I held back the deeper the anchor of fear settled.
A few days later my sister-in-law and I finally connected after playing phone tag, and I told her the news. I mentioned that I had not told a lot of people, and the fear of what might happen in my young baby’s life was holding me back.
Without hesitation she replied, “Even from the beginning I thought of my babies as lives worth celebrating, and I told people I was pregnant whenever I wanted to. But I did things a little different than most people.”
Her words helped me to see my baby’s true worth for the first time.
This baby deep inside of me, ever so small, is a child of God. A child that God gave to me to take care of whether for a day or for years. That care began at conception. Whether he or she lives or dies each day I am with him or her is a gift and has a purpose with eternal consequences. My baby is now a part of my life, my testimony.
God did not give me a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, love, and a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7), and I did not want to make decisions out of fear. From that moment on I prayed for God to release me from a spirit of fear. I did not immediately make a grand announcement on Facebook, but I became aware of my motives and guarded my heart. I specifically called the people closest to me and told other people as I saw them. I asked every person I told to pray for the sweet soul that was now with me. And slowly, after overcoming all the “what ifs”, there was an army of prayer warriors praying for my new baby.
When have you announced your pregnancies to others? Do you feel like it was our of discernment or fear?
Note from Leigh Ann: If you’re looking for more posts from Intentional By Grace on pregnancy, check out my Grace for the Pregnant Mom series! There are tons of posts to encourage you in your pregnancy like birth stories, scripture encouragement, vitamins I recommend, and more!
Making Babies is my favorite pregnancy resource. I use it all the time!
Brenda Rodgers: After years of living a discontented single life, Brenda laid down her dreams and began focusing on the only One who can truly give her the desires of her heart. A few years later she found herself laying down her dreams again as her new husband underwent a heart transplant. Now she encourages other women to live a life surrendered to Jesus through every season – singleness, marriage, and motherhood – at her blog Triple Braided. She is also learning to be a mommy for when she welcomes her first baby in October!