This week I promised to show you our family’s budget and how we use our spreadsheet to stay within our budget. However, I also promised authenticity on this blog.

The raw truth is my heart is struggling. I am lacking much faith in what God can do. Our goal to just stay within our budget has already failed.

Last week I was sure that we had found an answer to our overspending. Last week I was sure that we were on the mend from months of poor follow through on our plan. Unfortunately, we are not. We are still learning. We still have a lot of work to do.

Last night I balanced our spreadsheet and with each balancing number I became more and more defeated.

My husband sat by my side trying to speak truth and encourage me.

He said:

• This is what we expected.
• We are in the process of change.
• With change, there will be bumps and bruises.
• With change, you won’t get it right the first time.

I look at our budget and wallow in self-pity. I realize that I have already spent all of my money, and now if I want something, I can’t have it. I will have to deny the flesh, and I don’t want to. I look at our budget and I am convicted and condemned.

Conviction is good. Condemnation is not. It is not the way I should feel. But yet that’s how I feel because I am proud and lazy. I don’t want to do the hard work of denying my flesh, and I certainly don’t want to have to trust God in my failure.

Isn’t God a God of redeeming grace? He raised Jesus from the dead for crying out loud!

Do I really not think He can redeem our finances?

So today I bring you reality. I bring you a heart that is convicted and struggling to see truth.

For now, I will leave our spreadsheet locked away in my computer files. I think it’s best for you and for me

Father, forgive me. Forgive me for my selfishness. Forgive me for my pride and laziness. Forgive me for desiring to rob you of you glory. Forgive me for wanting man’s worship. Forgive me for my self-sufficiency and lack of faith. Forgive me of my iniquities.

Your Word says that you have cast my sins as far as the east is from the west. Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from you (Psalm 51:10-11).

By the power of the Holy Spirit, change me. Make me to worship You. Take my eyes away from myself and guard me against condemnation. May I be rightly convicted. May I not only be a hearer of your word but a doer (James 1:22).

God you are a never changing God. You are a constant. We can depend on you. You cannot tell a lie. You will never give us more than can we can handle to the point where we must sin to get through it. I can trust you with our finances because you are God. Help me Father to be still and know that you are God (Psalm 46:10). Give me strength to walk out your will (Philippians 4:13).

Father God, give me creativity with our finances. Help me to give this burden to you (Psalm 55:22) and to my husband. May I not bear what is not mine to bear. Help me to be a helper suitable to Mark, keeping the books, but allowing him the burden, the ability, and confidence to lead us. May I be easy to lead through this time of growing. Help me to encourage and build up and not tear down (1 Thessalonians 5:11). Let me laugh at the time to come (Proverbs 31:26). Help me to emulate faith and hope.

Have mercy on me God, a lowly sinner. I am incapable and inadequate, but you are not. You are fully capable and fully able to fulfill our needs and provide more than we can ever ask or think (Ephesians 3:20-21).

Our finances are a mess! A complete disaster.

Now that I have your attention, why don’t you pick up a fork and indulge in some humble pie with me.

Mark and I try to be intentional about where our money goes. At the end of every month, we sit down and review our family’s financial budget. Or rather, each month we try to sit down and go over our family budget. Ever since our little boy came on the scene, monitoring our spending habits has taken a back seat; thus, leading to overspending.

Recently, while scanning Facebook statuses, I saw this quote:

A budget is telling your money where to go instead of wondering where it went. ~ John C. Maxwell

Let’s back up a second and take a trip down memory lane.

Before Mark and I got married, we started telling our money where to go by putting pen to a sheet of paper and creating a financial budget. It was wonderfully freeing in the months that followed as I made each transaction necessary with confidence. As I learned how to stay within my budget, I remember experiencing a peace that I’d never experienced.

Now, back to Mr. Maxwell. I thought about this quote for a moment, and said,

Good reminder, but this doesn’t apply to me.

Why does this not apply? Well, it’s because I am creating a family financial budget every month, but I am still wondering where my money went because I’m not sticking to the budget that I set.

Folks, the whole reason you make a budget is for the purpose of being able to tell your money where to go. It is so you don’t look back later and say, “Wait a minute. I have no padding in my checking account. We have $9 to our name. How did this happen?”

Well, I’ll tell you how it happens. It happens when you fail to follow through on your plan. If you’re not willing to follow through on your plan, you’ll be left wondering where all your money went and eating humble pie with me.

Isn’t there a saying that goes something like, “Failing to plan is worse than failing to work your plan”? Or something like that. You get the point.

June is a month for getting back to the basics of a budget. It’s so basic that our only goal this month is to just do what our budget says. No more. No less.

Next week, I will share our family budget worksheet with you. We have revamped our entire system for tracking our finances to try to meet our goal of staying within our budget.

Does you have a family budget? What areas do you find it hard to stick to your budget? Tell us about it in the comments!