Today’s post is from A Surrendered Marriage contributing writer, Jami from Young Wife’s Guide.
In my immaturity and unloving attitude, I have had the tendency to react harshly and with anger toward my husband. The Lord has grown me in this area over and over in our marriage, but I still struggle with it. My sinful anger is the biggest cause of strife in our marriage.
My husband is a peacemaker. He doesn’t like conflict and does whatever he can to resolve and /or avoid conflict. He doesn’t easily raise his voice and is very slow to anger. I am so thankful for him because he keeps me grounded, and through our conflict he teaches me something.
In the moments I yell, holler, get angry, and react poorly to my husband, he responds in humility (most of the time). I could go on for twenty minutes about how he let me down or didn’t do something right. Whether or not I am right, he humbly accepts this, apologizes if needed, and moves on. Thirty seconds later he is ready to be sweet again and carry on our evening. Meanwhile, I’m still seething with the hurt, upset that he moved on so quickly, and just irritated in general.
This is what he has taught me and continues to teach me: I respond or react to my husband in anger which is often born out of pride, and am very slow to accept his apologies or make peace. Yet, in humility, he accepts my rebuke or chooses to ignore and forgive my sinful anger directed at him, and moves on to being a loving and compassionate husband.
Sometimes, I just want to sit in my anger. I am happy to stew over the “wrongs” my husband has done. Meanwhile, I am hurting my husband further because he simply wants to love me and feel loved back. I take my anger out on him, whether he deserves it or not, which deepens the gap between us.
I have learned in our marriage that my angry reactions to him are sinful and that I need to be slow to anger just like the example my husband is to me.
James 1:19 says:
Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”
My husband leads by example in this. He is slow to anger and reacts with humility. He does not let his pride get in the way of how he treats me.
Notice the second part of that verse? The anger of man is not righteous. It does not say that, if you feel justified in that anger, then it’s okay. No. The anger of man does not produce righteousness.
I struggle with this. My husband is the closest person to me. He is my best friend and understands more about me and who I am than anyone else. Because of that, I feel close enough to let my anger out on him.
But this is not right. The love of my life, my best friend, should not be getting the second best from me. He deserves for me to treat him like he treats me: with humility and love, quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger.