Home is where the heart is. Isn’t this the way the old cliche goes? It’s not the house,or the building, or the city, or even the things you own. Home is where your heart is.
Recently, I found myself going through the daily chores with bitterness. Sick of washing clothes, mopping floors, and organizing closets, I grew mopey and ceased doing a lot of the chores. I let the dishes pile up, laundry sit unfolded, and allowed myself far too much time curled up with a book on the couch.
I watched my boy play outside because I couldn’t bear the thought of getting all geared up to tromp out into the biting wind. I ignored emails because I didn’t have the energy to formulate a response. I even stopped typing with capital letters. I was too lazy to even press the shift key!
My heart had strayed far from home. I completely lost site of why homemaking is so important, why my being home is imperative to my family’s well being. I completely forgot the ways of the Proverbs 31 woman. I failed to see the value in what I was doing, and I was tired of the mundane and meaningless tasks. I totally lost site of the big picture of home!
Why is the home so important? Why is my commitment to homemaking so valuable? Does it matter? Do I really believe it matters, or am I just regurgitating what has been drilled into me for the past five years of my Christian life? Does God value my role as a homemaker?
I don’t know about you, but I can listen to someone tell me what I do matters all day. However, until I truly believe it in my own heart, own it for myself, my actions will never reflect the true purposes of God. I realized my homemaking was being done without my heart.
When you simply fix a behavior, you can keep it up for a long time. I’ve been at it for five years. Five. From the outside looking in, you’d think I valued being home. You’d think my greatest joy was making lunches and kissing boo boos. But on the inside? I was itching to do something bigger, better. I hated cleaning the floors, planning meals, and decorating my home. But it was the right thing to do.
I know this is ugly. I’m taking a big chance putting this out here for you to read. But it’s the truth. The raw, honest truth. Home is not where my heart has been.
But I serve a mighty God who will never leave me where He found me. This year has been a complete year of refinement. A year where all of the “look good on the outside behavior” is crumbling to the ground, shattering into the tiniest flecks of dust. True womanhood, which eluded me for many years, has taken on a brand new, never before understood meaning in my life. What it means to be a wife, a mom, a friend has slowly been stripped to its barest particles and revealed in greater glory. It’s as if the scales, so long caked onto my ever widening eyes, are peeling back and I’m seeing for the first time.
Is this what it means to know Jesus, the One crucified? Is this what it means to be renewed, transformed? Is it a continual stripping, a daily remembrance, a lifetime of change? I think so.
And so the home is where my heart will be when it’s all said and done. I’m done taking someone else’s word that God values homemaking, and I’m putting Him to the test. I’m going to the only place one can ever find the truth, and it is God’s Word. I promise to take you with me. It’s a series without a plan. But it is a series much needed.
Is your home where your heart is? Home is where I want my heart to be.
About Leigh Ann
No one is perfect. Being a mom is hard, especially with little ones. You need a break from the continuous chores every once in a while to recharge your enthusiasm. My two kids are now teenagers. Trust me when I saw that the time truly flies by which makes it so important to TRY and be grateful every day. I saw TRY because it is impossible! But God’s grace and love will keep you going.
Oh, yes. A break is good, but there is a fine line, at least for me, between extending grace and imposing on grace. My heart has been all wrong, and I have been imposing on God’s amazing, ever ready to extend grace. I want that to change! Grateful for God’s grace and love!
Leigh Ann recently posted..Home is Where I Want My Heart to Be
Bless you Darling Leigh Ann! God honors your transparency and your honesty. How refreshing when we step out in faith and say the scary stuff. Then we realize how many are going through the same thing but were too afraid of being judged to say it out loud. Now you have given them the freedom to talk about it so we all get to grow. I love to watch God working through ‘us little broken vescles.’ When I finally get honest with me; I can get honest with God. When I hit my knees and say “OK God give! Here are All the pieces of me, the good, the bad and the ugly.” Then He can truley work in my life. I’m very proud of you. I will be praying for you on your journey.
Thank you, Jeanne. Your words were an encouragement!
You put a song on another blog post I read today. Invade by Watermark, it’s awesome! My husband the worship leader googled the words and said we need to learn this. (-:
I did a solo a while back at church. This post : home where I want my heart to be made me think of it. Susan Ashton , No one knows my heart.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8tNAED8pMr0
Hope you enjoy it.
I’m looking forward to this series! I can definitely relate to a lot of what you are saying. For me, sometimes I let myself have a pity party because we don’t have our own house. Because of debt, we have lived with my in laws for almost 9 years now. Sometimes, I feel like “what’s the use, it’s not my house anyway.” I know that’s not the right attitude though and by God’s grace I don’t stay “there” long. Thank you for sharing your heart here!
We’ve rented our entire married lives, and we’ve moved around a lot to boot. So I can relate in some ways. It’s hard when it’s not your very own space, but you’re right, we don’t need to stay there in that place of self pity. But know you aren’t alone! Thanks so much for sharing! It certainly helps me know I’m not alone as well.
I am looking forward to the series! I sometimes feel like I am going through the motions in.. well, everything.. homemaking, parenting, marriage, my walk with God (see, everything!)
I look forward to reading, getting encouragement AND giving encouragement to others.
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Erica, you are so not alone! I have been in all those places! Look forward to journeying with you.
Looking forward to the series! I think it’s much needed too. I think home IS where my heart is, but I still have a hard time seeing my job as all that important, and let me tell you, I’ve never had a job I’m so bad at!
Cassi, I had to laugh. I really did. I can so relate to that one! Humbling, isn’t it? haha!
I think this is a great topic of discussion! I know personally it relates to where I am at and I find your “rawness” to be refreshing. I was able to first 2 year of my son’s life to work remotely from home, but the struggle to be perfect at both was killing me and my joy. So , we made the adjustment to work full time at home. I am so grateful and blessed, but there are days just as you expressed where I just want to collapse and ignore that which is around me. I have found God’s Love is so amazing, He has met me each time and it’s throw these times of isolation, boredom in the day to day stuff (reading the same book to my almost 3 year old 50 times) and frustration that I have found myself on my knees and just giving All to Him! It is His Grace Daily I need and will always need!
Your story was so real to me, and your answer is so true. Thank you so much for sharing!
Precisely what I needed to hear today. You’ve put words to what I’ve been realizing about my own life over the past month. How humbling it is to realize that my heart has been straying away from my family. As you said…”Home is where I WANT my heart to be” and God is showing me the little ways I’ve let it stray.
Thanks for sharing!
I’m so glad you found encouragement here today! We are not alone, friend.
Hi Leigh Ann! I was so encouraged and intrigued by this post. I can not wait to read the rest of this series! I don’t want to live with the constant thought “It will be better when…..” I too have been a homemaker for 5 years, so i totally connected with you and felt like, this girl knows what I am feeling!! I am finding myself desiring to enjoy homemaking more, value the time with my small kids, have fun with them, delight in the everyday tasks and moments, knowing I am doing exactly what God has called me to do!! Can’t wait to read more! And I am gonna pray for you, this will minister to many moms!
Amber, I am so grateful for your prayers! Your words were such an encouragement to me. I’m just so grateful to know I am not alone!
i have found that being a stay at home mama to 5 boys and a wife to a husband in full time ministry is the closest i have ever come to what paul said about pouring out his life as a drink offering for others that they might know Him. it continually reveals to me how much i need the grace of God and the cross of Jesus as my only hope! it is my greatest joy and hardest trial every single day.
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Amen. Amen. Amen.