This post is written by contributing writer, Jen from This Gal’s Journey.
I’m nearly at your place; I really need to talk. Can I pop in?
My stomach dropped as I read her text and took a 180 glance around my kitchen. The sink stacked high with last night’s dinner all of yesterday’s meal dishes, crumbs of every kind scattered all over the floor, the table half sticky with maple syrup, half stacked high with books, papers and junk mail. The baby is still in his jammies – and he just ate lunch, most of which is smeared all over his face. Trash cans overflowing, laundry room busting at the seams. My house, my kids, and myself at our very worst.
I’m tempted to politely decline. Or at the very least ask her to give me an hour – or three. Tea time and crummy floors? Yet I find myself returning text:
Sure, no problem! Kettle’s on, see you soon!
Photo by Deibel Photography
Oi vey, she’s not going to want to step one foot in here. I do what I can to minimize ground zero and clear enough space for us to sit, drink tea, and talk. She stayed for 2 hours pouring her heart out. In the end, neither of us noticed the mess. All we remember now is the friendship, the tears, and the closeness that day brought.
I can’t tell you how many times as I’m hustling and bustling and drill-sergeant-commanding lovingly guiding our kids to clean up the house, someone inevitably asks, “Who’s coming over, Mom?”
Now, granted, I could stand to do a better job of keeping house, and teaching my kiddos to respect and care for their belongings and environment. But what struck me recently was the air of perfection I was inadvertently teaching my kids to expect – of themselves and others. Of putting up an image that might be less than true.
Sharing real life, and real faith, is messy. It’s very rarely clear-cut and precise. It comes at inconvenient times. Much like the tummy-bug-from-Hades, or those ever anticipated first pains of child birth, emotional traumas, tragedies and human need for instant community rarely fall between business hours.
I want to teach – and model – a balance for my children. To teach them to care for themselves, their home, and their family; to teach them to put their best foot forward and make their best effort in every thing they do. However, I want them not to be paralyzed by perfectionism when it comes to opening their homes, and hearts, to those truly in need – both physical and emotional need.
There are times when we need to leave the laundry, forget the dishes and just love those around us – sometimes one of “those” is our kids! Sometimes we need to set our own pride and image-ego aside to lend a listening ear, a shoulder on which to cry, and hands to hug or make tea.
If we are going to truly share life with others, to truly live in community, we need to be willing to shed our I-have-it-all-together image and be willing to let others see the not so lovely parts. And you know what usually happens? They are so relieved to see that we’re human too, it only serves to deepen the bond and community warmth. So when the next crisis comes, the foundation is that much stronger upon which we continue to build. And if we base that foundation on the Chief Cornerstone – Jesus – there’s no stronger place to be.
So, join me in letting the pretense go, being real, and opening our homes and hearts to those around us. And in doing so, we’ll be teaching our children how to be the Hands and Feet of God – a tangible expression of His love for us all.
About Jen Deibel
Dear Jen
Spot on!! I finally have it together if I can be so bold. About 8 years ago I fell ill with Fm/Me and it has left me with not much energy to do anything. Now, for the first time in my life, I look at all the things in my home that is imperfect and I love it! I spent much more time just listening to my husband and can honestly say that after 28 years of being married we are closer than ever before. I sold my car for I am not able to drive safely anymore and bought myself an IPad and even started blogging. Do I have it all together? Not really, but our God has changed my priorities and for that I am grateful!
Blessings
Mia recently posted..Vegetables vs Vines
What a wonderful perspective! I’m so glad you were able to let go, and let God!
Jen Deibel recently posted..I’d Have You Over, But…
Thank you! This post really got to the heart of an issue so many of us wives and moms have. Just a couple of weeks ago, my husband and I were planning to have company over on Sunday after church. So, on Sunday morning I began my pre-company routine of going mad trying to clean and tidy our house. My husband saw how stressed I was and asked why I was even bothering having people over if it stressed me out this much. Or why I didn’t just keep the house tidy if it bothered me so much? Why not let people see I for what it is? This post really allowed me to see that sometimes we need to prioritize and that our appearance cannot be number one. We are all sinners in the real world and busy too.
Amanda recently posted..Feeling Like A "Real" Wife and Mom Now
I’m so glad this was an encouragement for you, and you are so right!
Jen Deibel recently posted..I’d Have You Over, But…
I’m with you sister! With 8 kids and all that life brings in a day,…..one of my best prayer partners comes over and giggles and says, “I love you, I love your tea, I love your messy house, and I love that in the midst of it all, Christ is right here with us blessing us and hearing our prayers.” **The first time she said that, I about died, and then realized, that yes, life is messy. There is no reason for me to be neurotic about my house not looking like Martha Stewart lives here, but instead, I want my house to reflect that the Holy Spirit lives here.
Some times, the biggest messes turn out to teach us the greatest lessons and help us to embrace the biggest blessings! ;o)
E. Marshall recently posted..A YUMMY solution!
Amen, girl!
Jen Deibel recently posted..I’d Have You Over, But…
Thanks for sharing! Too often, I’m like you – cleaning up because someone is coming. Right now, my kitchen is a mess and there’s toys all over the living room. I’ve made mental note to get it in order before my cousin comes to visit on Thursday… oh, and before the babysitter comes that morning. As you say, though, hospitality and being available for our friends (or children) is more important than the state of our kitchen.
Bonnie Way recently posted..PinkBlush Maternity Review & Giveaway
Yes. It’s all about balance, isn’t it?
Jen Deibel recently posted..I’d Have You Over, But…