The latest disagreement, argument, fight was over food of all things. I thought the plan was to have leftovers for dinner. He didn’t remember that plan and didn’t want leftovers. At 7:00 in the evening, however, there weren’t many other options.
With every stomp up the stairs, the cause of the anger I felt toward my husband shifted from leftovers. Even the scripture art that lines the walls didn’t deter my mind. By the time I reached the top I had about ten other reasons to be mad at him – enough to make it hard to even remember my original grievance.
The list of qualities I didn’t like about him was endless at this point, and I could barely think of anything to like about him.
Photo Credit: Creative Commons: Greg Habermann
Do any of you fall into this cycle from time to time? One “issue” turns into a dozen, and those multiply into two dozen. So many that, if not stopped, you could justify not talking for days.
What’s most dangerous about the multiplying of issues is that they allow bitterness to take root in our hearts and in our marriages. That’s when the real damage begins.
“See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” Hebrews 12:15
After staying upstairs for a while, alone, I thought to myself that I really should make a list of all of my husband’s good qualities – the things I admire about him, the things he does for me, the reasons I married him. Then, when I’m in this place of anger again (I let go of my naivety that there will never be an “again” a while ago), I will have something to read to remind myself of my husband’s true character and that my emotions are not truth.
So that is what I did. I made a list and called it “What I Love {Like} about My Husband”. For me, it’s sometimes the liking him that is harder than the love part.
My goal is to have 101 qualities on the list. I don’t know why I chose 101. I guess it just sounds like a noble number. On my first reflection I made it to about 30. My plan is to add to the list as time goes on and get to 101.
Will you join me by making a list of what you love like about your husband? Then the next time our thoughts only tell us the negative, we will have a list of truth, not based on emotion, to reflect upon.
Share with us. Do you tend to allow one “issue” to multiply into many in your marriage? How do you prevent this from causing bitterness to take root?
About Brenda
This is just the encouragement I needed today. This morning’s escapade–over the volume of the alarm clock. Today’s goal: begin my 101 list. I hope you link this up today on Titus 2 Tuesday. Im sure it would be encouraging to many others as well. Have a great week!
Kathy recently posted..Titus 2 Tuesday–Linky Party #22
Kathy, thanks for letting us know about your link-up! And it’s sort of funny. My husband and I had an “escapade” over the alarm clock just last week. You’re not alone, friend!
Leigh Ann recently posted..Lullaby Confessions: You Can Dream {Review & Giveaway!}
Kathy, thank you for sharing and letting me know that I’m not alone! Since I wrote this post, we’ve had other escapades, too. Oh, it’s hard!
But so rewarding at the same time!
Brenda @TripleBraided recently posted..I Don’t Always Like My Husband
LOL. Always good to know.
Have a great week.
Kathy recently posted..Titus 2 Tuesday–Linky Party #22
What a great idea, Brenda! I need to do this. I have my 1000+ list of things I am grateful for in general, but what you’ve said here makes me realize that I need a list just for my husband. Thanks!
Mandy recently posted..10 Things My #Allume Roomie Should Know About Me
I have done this once before. I need to re-visit it. It really helps so much!
Leigh Ann recently posted..Making a List of What I Love {Like} about My Husband
I’ve never done the 1,000 gifts one by Ann Voskamp, but when I was writing this I thought of her. I could benefit from both!
Brenda @TripleBraided recently posted..I Don’t Always Like My Husband
I hope this doesn’t sound morbid…but I always keep this thought in my mind when ugliness starts to surface…..”would this matter if he died tomorrow?” It really helps me keep perspective on things…because if he didn’t come home one day, I can see myself thinking back and saying, “That (issue) wasn’t really an issue and I’d give anything to deal with it, one more time”. I actually just wrote about this and it has become my most viewed post…..
http://indulgentaromas.blogspot.com/2012/09/what-if-you-didnt-have-one-more-time.html
This list is a great idea!!! Great post
Nicole recently posted..Do I live under a rock?
Nicole, not morbid. Honest. We like honest around here! It’s a good way to keep perspective, no doubt! Thanks for sharing!
Leigh Ann recently posted..Lullaby Confessions: You Can Dream {Review & Giveaway!}
Nicole, this doesn’t sound morbid at all. I didn’t mention it in the post, but my husband had a very dramatic heart transplant 2 years ago. Often times I remember/visualize him in the hospital on a ventilator and not awake. It puts things in perspective. However, what I think is so interesting is that a person goes through something like that and thinks, “I’ll never be mad again or say this or that again” and yet I still do. Even after all that and him almost dying. I lose focus so fast. It just proves how very human I am and how much grace I need. But I think it is very good to put these little irritations in perspective b/c at the end of the day that’s what they are – little irritations. (Not that they don’t need to be dealt with and kept from taking root, but still kept in perspective.)
Brenda @TripleBraided recently posted..I Don’t Always Like My Husband
a few years ago there was a movement on facebook to have a status a day for things you love about your husband. I collected several pages but kind of slacked off after a while… thanks for the reminder. maybe I should start it up again!
Aprille recently posted..The WHY of blogging
That is a great idea Aprille!
Nikki recently posted..Making Goals Work For You {Not the Other Way Around}
That is a great idea!!
Brenda @TripleBraided recently posted..I Don’t Always Like My Husband
This one will be a true challenge! When I get angry, I get ANGRY. Thinking anything nice about anyone is a challenge. But its one I am going to accept! Thanks for the idea!
AlyssaZ recently posted..Who am I??
Alyssa, ME TOO! It takes me a lot to get there, and if you met me in real life you would probably never believe it, but I can have a temper. One thing that’s making me more aware of it is the arrival of our first baby due in a few weeks. I started reminding myself that I now have to model for her how to handle conflict appropriately b/c I know whatever she sees me do she’ll one day do with her husband. That’s helped some, too!
Brenda @TripleBraided recently posted..I Don’t Always Like My Husband
Honestly I was scared to read this when I saw the title. I thought it was going to make me jealous of your list. All the things your husband does that I wish mine would do. Wrong!
Nice to know someone else has the food issues as well.
I was just thinking yesterday morning – I always pray about the things I want God to change and strengthen about my husband. A long list of wants. The makes me focus on a bunch of negative things. I decided I need to start praying in thanks for who he is. The things I feel blessed for him being my husband. Then maybe I won’t be so critical and hurt all the time.
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