This post is written by contributing writer, Mary Beth from New Life Steward.
I remember the night I fell in love with my husband.
We were visiting my parents for the weekend. We stayed up ridiculously late Saturday night playing 20 questions that turned into 200 questions! I’m pretty sure there was chocolate cake involved.
I don’t remember much about the questions we asked. I’m pretty sure that’s when I first heard how he met Christ as Savior and Lord. Some questions were silly and some were serious, but there was a thrill in the discovery–knowing him at a deeper level. By the end of the night, I knew he was the one.
I’m sitting here, nearly 10 years later, as his wife of 5 years and mother of his son. We’ve fallen into that pattern that is so easy to slip into with marriage and life. He works. I take care of our son. There’s dinner and bath times. The dishes and bed. Repeat.
Some sort of switch flips when couples marry, and we often stop getting to know each other. We are dynamic people that are constantly changing, and yet we forget to notice those changes in our spouses. That’s not God’s vision for marriage. He created marriage to be a relationship where the two involved know each other intimately.
Enter the advice I’ve heard 1,000 times if I’ve heard it once:
“Marriage is hard work.” and “Don’t stop dating your spouse just because you are married.”
When you hear something so often, it tends to get annoying, but you have to acknowledge that there must be some truth to the statements. Why else would people be saying it constantly?
I think I get annoyed because I’m a practical kind of gal. I want to know what something looks like in real life. Tell me the how: How exactly do I work on my marriage? How exactly do we continue to date even though we are married with have a kid and limited resources?
Allow me to suggest: Dating through the Alphabet
- Choose a time frame for how often you want to schedule a date (once a week/every other week/once a month). Be realistic. The goal is to be successful.
- Choose one person to be in charge of planning the date. (Taking turns is best!) This person is in charge of the date from top to bottom (including babysitters if necessary!).
- Start with the letter “a” and work your way through the alphabet planning dates based on a theme that starts with the date’s letter. (For example, “a” might be a date with an art theme–painting pottery together, going to a museum, decorating a cake together, etc.)
- Spend some time in real conversation with each other. The date planner can come up with some questions centered around the theme to get the conversation flowing. (The rule is that both people answer each question!) This is a great time to talk about what the Lord is teaching you and doing in your family!
Points to remember when dating:
- Lower your expectations. Not every date can be five star. A pizza dinner in the living room floor by candlelight after the kids are in bed can be just as special as a steak dinner at a fancy restaurant.
- Dating requires sacrifice. You will probably have to give up some things to make room for this on the busy calendar. Do it. Your relationship with your spouse is worth it.
- Plan, Plan, Plan and then be flexible. Your date is much more likely to happen when it’s planned in advance, but life happens–so be flexible! Don’t make this an issue of contention when things don’t go perfectly.
How about we help each other out? Tell us in the comments what you think would be a good theme for a date night!
I first read about this idea on my friend Kara’s blog (check out her posts from their dates on her side bar!).
Photo Credit: Dave Bleasdale
This post is linked to Marital Oneness, Modest Monday, Welcome Home, Time Warp Wife, Teach Me Tuesdays, Wifey Wednesday, Women Living Well, Works for Me, Thrive at Home, Hearts for Home, Fellowship Fridays.
About Mary Beth
This is me exactly:
“I think I get annoyed because I’m a practical kind of gal. I want to know what something looks like in real life. Tell me the how: How exactly do I work on my marriage? How exactly do we continue to date even though we are married with have a kid and limited resources?”
Thanks SO much for writing out some of your answers!
My pleasure! Like I said, I’m a practical, hands on person. Just tell me exactly what to do and I will at least give it a try!
Mary Beth recently posted..Spice Up Your Dating Life with the ABC’s
Love this idea, Mary Beth! I am much more creative when I have some sort of guidelines to go by. Thanks for sharing.
Jenni Mullinix recently posted..What Is Your Mission Field? + Thrive @ Home Link-Up
I always work better with a little structure!
Mary Beth recently posted..Spice Up Your Dating Life with the ABC’s
The thing I forget is the date doesn’t have to always be away from home, it just has to be often! And some weeks the babysitter cancels or money is tight and we’re enjoying coming up with new ideas for dates that sometimes happen in our very own driveway
When we were dating, we bought some of those cheesy conversation starter books on every end cap at Barnes & Noble. We use them to this day, and laugh our way through them!
Loved the post, Mary Beth!
Nikki recently posted..What I Know to be True
Um…we so have a deck of cards that are conversation starters. You are not alone! And I think the best dates are sometimes the ones at home with no fuss!
Mary Beth recently posted..Spice Up Your Dating Life with the ABC’s
I absolutely LOVE this concept! Thanks for some guidelines to go by!
Nikki recently posted..Ministry Isn’t Only for Missionaries
Great post and to be honest…I’d always pushed back against those helpful comments to “remember to have a weekly date night” etc. It just didn’t seem possible when we added 3 in 3 years and then adopted 2 more and didn’t have family in the area to help out etc. About the only thing we could manage was putting the kiddos to bed early and ordering in Thai food and either playing a game or watching a movie and for that stage in life…it was GREAT!
But–we’re in year 16 of marriage now and have watched several marriages we are close to really go through fire over the last couple of years and we decided to make a date night a priority this year. It has just been so so SO good to know that we have that time to talk each week…. and it’s nothing fancy…our big kids stay at home and we drop our youngest at Awanas and we take a walk to a coffee place together or to the local rec. center and work out and then walk back together. For us, it is more about having that time to talk freely without a household listening in. It has been huge and I’m so so thankful.
I love the heart in this post and the call to keep our marriages a priority. Love, K
Kara @ The Chuppies recently posted..If It Was My Fish…
You are exactly right! This looks different in each stage of marriage/parenting! We have to allow ourselves flexibility to do what works best! Sounds like y’all have an awesome setup for your date night!
Mary Beth recently posted..Spice Up Your Dating Life with the ABC’s
Great tips girly. Congrats on contributing here now
Blessings!
Misty recently posted..Why I Stay Busy w/ Wisdom Wednesday Link Up
Thanks Misty!
Mary Beth recently posted..Spice Up Your Dating Life with the ABC’s
There are some excellent reminders in this post. It is so crazy how we DO change and grow and often forget to REALLY check in with each other.
Even though we do not have children, I think it is important for us to develop a habit that we can have when we do…especially as we are currently getting ready to start foster care.
You are right! It’s always best to start building habits now instead of when you are in desperate need of them!
I didn’t know y’all were preparing to foster!
Mary Beth recently posted..Spice Up Your Dating Life with the ABC’s
Thank you, Mary Beth, such a wonderful idea!!
I’ve read a couple of posts on this blog and I love what I’m reading. I’ve known Christ all my life as I’ve been blessed with parents who have always been devoted to the church and living a Christian life. I was married for 5 years when my ex-husband filed for divorce. It tore my world to shreds as I loved him with all my heart. It’s been four years since my divorce and I recently prayed and asked God for a husband… the man of my dreams, the one who I’ll spend my life with. Afterwards I experienced a lot of doubt that I’ll ever find that person and then I came across this blog and wanted to say thank you!!! I still haven’t found Mr. Right, but I know he’s out there and that God will answer my prayer!!! I love reading your advice and stories and I thank God for leading me to this site!
That time in your life must’ve been very difficult. How exciting that you are seeking the Lord and trusting Him with your future. He is indeed faithful. I’m glad you are learning and encouraged by what you find here at Intentional by Grace. Our prayer is that this site would point you to Jesus.
Mary Beth recently posted..Five Minute Friday:Grasp and a Guest Post
Jeanette, thanks for you comment. I’m so glad you have found encouragement in Christ and through shared experiences. I’m sorry you have experienced the loss of a husband through divorce. I can only imagine the pain. Keep seeking the Lord, the lover of our souls, and His righteousness, and I know you will find hope and contentment in His sweet providence. Thanks for “hanging out with us”! We’re so glad you’re here!
Oooh, great idea! Someone should start a pinterest board ;0) Last year I did a monthly theme of dates for my hubby (12 Dates of Christmas) but with getting pregnant and sick, we haven’t really done a lot of them. Looking forward to this new idea!
Lauren recently posted..Our September Nature Studies – Insects and Apples
You are right! We should start a Pinterest board to help get ideas from!! Hope you are your hubby find some quality time soon!
Mary Beth recently posted..Five Minute Friday:Grasp and a Guest Post
Great idea!
Anne @ Quick and Easy Cheap and Healthy recently posted..Posting Frequency and Stuff