Family members take their last breaths, friends ache with sadness and confusion, the needs abound more and more everyday. I want to be there to hug the shoulders bearing the weight of defeat and kiss the cheeks that stream with tears of hopeless thoughts. But I’m thousands of miles away, traveled out, emotions spent.
Reading “When the Need Doesn’t Match Your Calling“, stirs up my soul with conviction, doubt, and even a measure of hopelessness. There are needs, and I am the only one I know who can meet them.
How revealing of my heart.
I can’t be there, so I do what I can. I strive to care in my own efforts and in my own way.
I send a present and never hear whether it arrives, let alone a simple thank you.
I reach out to chat and only get a response when she has no where else to turn.
I fall short, saying the very thing I don’t mean, and they never speak to me again – at least not until I earn their love back, until I’m deemed worthy enough.
Money is god over love.
Vices are valued above relationships.
God where are you in this world? Where are you? Have you given them over to their passions? Have you cut me off from reaching them? Where is their help? Where is their willingness to receive help? Why won’t You let me help them? Why do you have me here?
Is this what it feels like?
Is this what it feels like when You offer us the free gift of grace, of Your life, and we abuse it? Never taking time to thank You for life, the very breath we breathe by Your blood?
Is this how You feel when You meet us each morning only to listen to us whine and implore You with change so our lives can be more comfortable?
Is this how You feel when we seek to earn Your love and refuse to come lay ourselves at Your feet until we “get our lives right”?
Is this how You feel when we choose lesser gods over Your amazing love – the only one worthy of our praise?
Is this how You feel when I value my to do list over my relationship with You, value my agenda over Your good and perfect will?
Is this how You feel?
Oh God of the universe, come, work repentance in my heart. Produce a godly sorrow within my soul. Help me Lord to hate my sin and love thy holiness. Melt my heart by Your worthiness and righteousness and splendor.
Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Leave me not in my distorted ways, building a mud hill when you offer me the castle on a mountain. Conform my thoughts to match your perfect peace.
Help me, God, to walk in Your ways, the path of holiness, the way of Jesus. Guide my thoughts and actions in purity and love. So that you may rejoice over me with singing, not because of what I have done, but what Christ in me has created.
Help me to rest in the truth that You are the only one able to meet the needs of those around me. I can be a conduit, but You do not need me to accomplish Your will. Help me to trust You when You tell me, this need is not my calling.
This post is linked to Welcome Home, Time Warp Wife, On Your Heart, Teach Me Tuesdays, Gratituesday, Women Living Well, Women in the Word, Walk with Him, Thrive at Home, Fellowship Fridays, and Faith Filled Fridays.