It’s been almost two years since I felt a baby move in my belly. I long to feel another life moving within, giving of myself so intimately, so selflessly. Each season of pregnancy is something to be cherished. But each month, the cycle turns and the pulse is negative. Each month my heart sinks and my husband bows his head.
We pray for more children. We long for more children. We’re so grateful for our toddler boy. Yet we do not feel complete. Not yet anyway.
As the rain pelts the the gravel out back, I am faced with a question that’s been plaguing me for quite sometime.
Am I willing to trust God with my family size?
This question is often asked of those who limit their family size by various means of birth control. Is it not? But what about those of us who fight the battle of contentment when it comes to waiting? We need to have this asked of us as well.
Am I willing to trust God with my family size?
So whether you’re preventing or pursuing by way of children, I challenge you to ask yourself the same question.
Are you truly trusting God with your family size? Are you at peace, resting in His perfect will? Children are a blessing and a reward. Scripture tells us so at every turn of the page almost. But for me, that doesn’t always mean they come when I want them. Yet children are being born around the world everyday. Are they cherished? Are they accepted? Are they loved? Are you faithful with what God has entrusted to you? Do you see your children as a reward?
Today, let us rise up and praise God for His glorious work and perfect plan and provision in our lives. Let’s do this right where we are with the kids that we have. Praise His name! Will you praise Him with me regardless of our circumstances?
Are you trusting God with your family size?
About Leigh Ann
Hi Leigh Ann,
Thank you for this post! For me it’s the opposite. I have one toddler – a a little boy and he is special needs. He was recently diagnosed with Autism and SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder), and for us right now it’s hard to think about having another one as we are dealing with a lot right now with our one. I also had a very rough birth, and have a lot of health problems caused my pregnancy so for us again it is such a tough decision. I struggle with it every day, what should we do? Should we have one more? Can we handle it? I am scared. Thank you for this reminder to trust in God. He already knows how many children I will have and I know He is in control.
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Kathryn, you definitely have your hands full with plenty of opportunities to grow in trusting the Lord. I pray that you have find peace during this season of life. Just remember God’s grace is always there, right on time. He doesn’t give it before you need it and it never shows up after you need it. It’s right on time every time. So rest in the grace you have for today, and let the future rest in the hands of the one who created it all. Praying for you, friend!
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Thank you Leigh Anne, I appreciate your encouragement. That is so true, I just need to remember that. Thanks for the prayers!
Kathryn recently posted..How NORAD Saved Christmas
This is something I am very passionate about, Leigh Ann! Thank you for sharing your heart.
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Thanks, Jenni!
Leigh Ann @ Intentional By Grace recently posted..Do I Need a Makeover?
We haven’t always trusted God with our family size but we realized we were wrong and my husband just had a vasectomy reversal. We pray we are blessed with more.
Wow, Aimee! What a testimony! Thanks for sharing. Isn’t it wonderful that we serve a God of infinite mercy and grace?
Leigh Ann @ Intentional By Grace recently posted..Do I Need a Makeover?
Oh Leigh Ann, when you described your sinking heart I knew exactly how you felt! It’s so hard sometimes to wait on the Lord, and trust that He knows what is best for our families. It’s hard not to be frustrated and feel defeated when our plans don’t match up with God’s plans. Thank you for reminding me today that I need to trust Him when it comes to the size, shape, and timing of my family. I needed this!
Also… sometimes what we perceive as a “no” turns out to be a “not yet.”
I’ll be praying for you guys!
Kimberly recently posted..Beautiful Jewelry, Beautiful Hearts
Oh how true this is! We are surely disappointed and eager, but we are resting and know that God’s timing is perfect. I’m just so thankful we are united in wanting another one! That was not the case four years ago.
Leigh Ann @ Intentional By Grace recently posted..Do I Need a Makeover?
Leigh Ann, I have been exactly where you are. It took two years to conceive our first and over two years with our second. It was especially hard knowing that we had used birth control for the first five years of our marriage to prevent being blessed! Two months after we decided to accept that we probably weren’t going to have any more children, I was pregnant. It certainly doesn’t always happen that way, of course. I know that sinking feeling every month, when hope turns to disappointment. I’ll be praying for you and your hubby! *hug*
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Well, this is an encouragement. We know that God gives and takes away, and we are resting. But the human emotions are difficult to direct toward worship of the Kingdom of God and His will, instead of our own sin-filled distorted plans. I’ve come to see this as more of a spiritual battle than anything. However, there are some physical things going on, and we are working to remedy them with the wisdom God provides. You know, your herb series really kicked me into gear on discovering more of God’s healing in creation. It is amazing what He has so graciously provided that works WITH and not AGAINST my body. Anyway, I’ve been using herbal tinctures, teas, an brews for almost 2 months now. What a difference!!! I had a really hard time healing from pregnancy and birth, but I’m finally starting to feel “better.” What grace!
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I had a pretty rough recovery from my first pregnancy and birth, too. Then I had unexplained heart arrhythmia, which ended up being from an abscessed tooth… not a healthy place to be! God has given us such wonderful herbs and foods to help heal our bodies and I have loved learning about them! I’m so glad to hear that you’re noticing a difference after just two months. That’s exciting!
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I really loved this post. I’ve had to work on trusting God by trusting my husband, whose ideas for the size of our family and child spacing were far different from mine. I balked at what he wanted at first, but knew that I needed to trust his leadership regardless of whether or not I agreed with it. And looking back over the past 8 months of waiting, I can see that there was a lot of wisdom in both his planning and God’s sovereignty in keeping me from getting pregnant as we use the not-so-foolproof NFP/FAM method. We had a lot of talks about this issue and discussed what would happen if I ended up pregnant and how he wanted me to tell him. It was such a relief to have that “what if?” discussion and know that he will still be happy and trust God to take care of the other issues in spite of the timing not being what we wanted. I’m thankful now for the extra time I’ve had to focus on my toddler, who has turned out to be quite a handful; for the extra time to get on a better nutrition and exercise plan, lose a little weight; for the extra time to make some drastic changes in my emotional and spiritual life–I’ve grown a lot this year and I’m thankful for the changes that I can see in my own life during this time of waiting. God is good, His plans are far better than ours.
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Oh what an encouraging story! I have been there, waiting upon the husband, and it can certainly be a snare of the devil. I didn’t always submit beautifully or perfectly, but by God’s grace, my hubby came around “on his own” long before he ever thought he’d be ready. There is beauty in submission. The period of waiting for our first child was testament enough for me! I loved this part of your comment: I’ve grown a lot this year and I’m thankful for the changes that I can see in my own life during this time of waiting. God is good, His plans are far better than ours. To that I give a resounding, AMEN! I can see so clearly how God’s timing is perfect. But even as I see it, I do battle the desire and pull to more children. I’m so grateful for this experience, even when we go another round.
Leigh Ann @ Intentional By Grace recently posted..Do I Need a Makeover?
Leigh Ann ~ Thank you for sharing your struggle. I can sympathize with your pain. When I was eighteen I had a hysterectomy because of cancer. At that time I struggled with two things, one – who would want to marry someone who was unable to have children. Two, how could I live without children, I had always dreamed of being a mom. At the time of my surgery I was not a believer. God saved this lost sinner, gave me a godly husband and many years later blessed me with two precious children through adoption. In those agonizing days as I wanted on the Lord to have children, I too asked many questions. Why me? Why did God allow 115,000 abortions in the world each day and I, who so desparately wanted a child could not have one. Then one day when I was talking with a friend who wanted a wife and was struggling with lonliness – I asked him if God never gave him a wife would he be satisfied. I became silent as the Lord spoke to me. He was asking me if I would be satisfied in Him alone if He never blessed me with children. It was a hard question to answer at the time because I so desired children. Once I surrendered my will to His I had peace that surpasses all understanding. Two years later – I was given my daughter. Cotinue to trust in Him to bring to pass what He has for you and your husband. I will be praying for you.
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It is so easy to let our minds go to all the children who need families or who aren’t wanted for whatever reason. But you said it well: “He was asking me if I would be satisfied in Him alone if He never blessed me with children. It was a hard question to answer at the time because I so desired children.” Oh how true this is and what a wonderful, but hard, question to ask. Thank you for your reminder!
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We trusted in Heavenly Father and have 6 children over 21 years. The first was a surprise, the second planned 6 years later, the third a surprise 7 years later, the fourth planned (but took way longer than we thought) 2 1/2 years later, the fifth (after promoting from Heavenly Father ) 4 years later, and three sixth a complete heaven sent surprise (I was on the mini pill and nursing full time ) 17 months later.
We now have a wonderful son-in-law and 2 beautiful grandchildren.
All are a blessing!
That is wonderful! You’re enjoying all the FUN now!
Leigh Ann @ Intentional By Grace recently posted..Do I Need a Makeover?
Love this post! I can totally relate to your “sinking” heart every month! My husband and I have been trying to have our second child for going on 17 months now. Last month I FINALLY had a positive pregnancy test, but a couple weeks later had a miscarriage….lost the baby we were so excited and joyful about. Trusting God is the only thing that gets me through the cycles every month. Thanks for the reminder though!
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Oh, Sandra, I’m sorry.
I have several friends who have experienced the same thing this year. It’s so hard. I have said a prayer for you just now.
Leigh Ann recently posted..Do I Need a Makeover?
I am going to push back a little on this. You didn’t come right out and say it but it seems like you are saying that we should not pursue fertility treatments. Forgive me if this is not what you mean, but I have to point out that doctors who works for fertility work for LIFE and God LOVES LIFE. There many fertility treatment options that do not put an embryos life at risk and therefore do not call for moral objections. “Trusting God” does NOT mean having a “k sera” attitude (whatever will be, will be). We can pursue medical treatments for ailments, be it the flu, a broken arm, cancer, or infertility- without distrusting God. If a woman is struggling with infertility she absolutely has the freedom to pursue fertility treatments. She is not bound to wait until she becomes pregnant “naturally.” In fact, with the roller coaster of emotions women face through fertility treatments, the experience often calls for greater trust in God than ever before.
Trusting God means trusting that we will live our best lives when we follow the explicit teaching of the scriptures and when we pray for wisdom and discernment where the scriptures are not explicit. The scriptures are not explicit when it comes to various forms of birth control and fertility treatments. We need wisdom in these areas, but we also need to be careful not to speak explicitly on a subject where God has not spoken explicitly.
Jillian, thanks for the push back, but thankfully, I was not implying this. When writing the post, the thought of what others are or are not doing to obtain pregnancy wasn’t even on my mind. In fact, we’re taking steps through herbal remedies to ready my body for pregnancy and help heal what went amiss during my last pregnancy and delivery. The entire point of this post was self reflective, and I shared my struggle in hopes that someone else would be encouraged to cling to the Lord in whatever situation they find themselves in with children. I’m sorry you perceived it as implication for anything but what it was. It was not my intent.
Leigh Ann recently posted..Do I Need a Makeover?
Thanks for your reply! Glad to hear that was not your intent. I have struggled with infertility too so I pray your struggle ends soon. We did not do any treatments but we are moving forward with adoption now! Hope you are filled with new life very, very soon.
Jillian recently posted..Saying yes to a blessing
Thanks for sharing! This is EXACTLY where we are at! We have a toddler and are waiting, waiting, waiting for number 2. Our first isn’t 2 yet, but each month of ‘no’ is such a disappointment. I believe God wants us to have more children, one way or another, I definitely feel like we’re not done yet. This last month I just cried and cried when my cycle came (4 days earlier, as if to mock me, I thought – which I know is silly). But then I thought, do I trust God or not? Do you I believe him or not? If so, then I need to wipe these tears, celebrate my beautiful son and wait on the Lord’s perfect timing. After all, nothing cheers me up better than playing with my joyful little guy. And who knows, maybe next month will be baby time.
Great post. As a mama of 8, I’ve been asked so many times whether we are going to have more children or not. Trusting God is important whether one has one baby or many. All children are blessings, indeed!
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Each pregnancy is such a blessing. My baby boy Josiah had Trisomy 18 and was born sleeping at 22 weeks gestation on November 15th. He has truly taught my husband and I that each baby is truly a gift from God. We are praying that we will soon be pregnant again
Thank you for the encouragement!
I’m so glad you found this an encouragement! Sometimes the waiting is hard, but I’m learning God’s timing is truly wonderful and always perfect.