This post is written by contributing writer, Brenda from Triple Braided.
This past May the state I live in, North Carolina, not only saw on the ballot a list of candidates running in the primary election, but also saw on the ballot Amendment 1. The amendment that made “the only domestic legal union in North Carolina as a marriage between one man and one woman.”
As you can imagine the amendment caused quite a firestorm not only in the state but nationally.
But it got me thinking a lot about marriage, the definition of marriage, and what marriage looks like as a covenant.
The Bible tells us what marriage is. Even though we can make up a new definition, it doesn’t make marriage something new. It is the same as giving a duck the new definition of “the largest of the living birds with two-toed feet and dark feathers.” That will not make the duck an ostrich. The duck is still a duck even if we change its name and its description.
Marriage is a union between a man and a woman who become one. (Genesis 2:20-24; Ephesians 5:22-33)
Marriage is a representation of Christ and the church, and this is a mystery. (Ephesians 5:31-32)
Marriage is a covenant. (Malachi 2:14)
As Christians, we are quick to defend the definition of marriage as a covenant between a man and a woman. We will even pronounce that this union is mystical and has eternal significance, not just significance for our lives right now.
But do our marriages function as a covenant like God defined? Or have we changed the definition to more of a contract?
The Difference Between a Contract and a Covenant:
- A contract is built on distrust. A covenant is built on trust.
- A contract is based on management. A covenant is based on submission.
- A contract lists rules and laws with consequences. A covenant joyfully serves with grace.
- A contract is fearful. A covenant is faithful.
- A contract operates with the assumption that it can be broken. A covenant operates with the assumption that it is eternal.
As Christians, the covenant of marriage is not only important for us to defend and define, but it is most important for us to operate under in our homes. For one, modeling the marriage covenant in our homes builds strong families, prevents divorce, and creates healthy children.
But even further, modeling the marriage covenant also points people to the covenant that Jesus has with us. It is a symbol that our relationship with Him is not built on law but grace. If the most intimate relationship we will ever experience here on earth is a contract, then how will we ever truly understand that a relationship with Jesus in not a contract?
So what does a marriage functioning as a covenant look like?
- It doesn’t threaten or entertain thoughts of divorce even when tension is high.
- It meditates on the eternal significance of the union between the husband and the wife.
- It shows grace even when grace is not deserved or has not been earned.
- It puts the other person’s needs and interests first.
- It assumes the best first.
- It looks for goodness and God’s unique design in each other.
- It edifies each other with encouragement and love.
- It prays without ceasing for one another.
- It seeks God’s calling on each other’s life.
As you meditate on marriage as a covenant versus marriage as a contract, what would you add to these lists? What does the marriage covenant look like to you?
This post is linked to Time Warp Wife, Women Living Well, and Wifey Wednesday.
About Brenda
Thanks for the beautiful reminder today! I love the way you lay out the differences between a covenant and contract, beautiful
I always love Brenda’s insight. What a gift she is!
Leigh Ann recently posted..Does Your Marriage Function as a Contract or a Covenant?
Thank you, Jami!
I thought this post was beautiful but I wondered if someome would recognize if they were in a contract if they were in the midst of it. Having been married before, I think it is hard to see the truth until it comes crashing down on you. And sometimes that never happens. I can clearly see that my husband is my best friend and I love to just make him happy. My previous marriage was nothing like that. Thank you, once again for the wonderful post.
What an interesting thought, Carli! I have never thought about it like that. Thanks for pointing this out. I imagine it’s much easier said than done!
Leigh Ann recently posted..Does Your Marriage Function as a Contract or a Covenant?
Carli, I agree! That is true for me, too, a lot of times with a lot of things – I don’t realize something needs to change until it’s right up on me. Hopefully, if we continually ask for wisdom God will show us areas that we are acting in a contract and not a covenant! Thank you for your insight!
Brenda @TripleBraided recently posted..Have Our Marriages Become Contracts?
You’re right, Brenda, we do need to continually ask for wisdom. Thankfully, God is glad that I ask ALL the time. Something about this post just really struck me and my experiences. Although I’ve always been a Christian sometimes I wake up and think this is the first day I actually “got it”. I was lucky to have another chance with my husband and realize that if I would have listened to God all along then I would have always only been with him.
Carli recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: Photo Dump
This gives me a lot to think about. (My favorite kind of post.
Thanks, Brenda!
Erica {let why lead} recently posted..Let Why Lead on Facebook
Unofrtunately, the writer does exactly what he accuses others of doing. By redefining contract versus covenant, he swung himself into the same camp. There may be a difference in how the world views a covenant and a contract as opposed to a Christian, but academiclly speaking, the words covenant and contract hold the same basic meaning. If you were study both words (their definition and their etymology), you will find equal understanding. I understand what the author is trying to say, it is surely represented well that our marriages under God should be biblically based. But our own definitions of what contracts and covenants is not good practice even if dressed up underneath a biblical understanding.
So what exactly are you saying? I’m not sure I understand your point…that there is no difference between a contract and covenant?
Sir, I have to disagree with you. I am not doing what I accused others of doing. I accused society of redefining a word that God defined therefore it cannot be redefined. God defined the word “marriage” as a covenant between a man and a woman. He uses this word throughout the Bible and never uses the word contract. When I look up the word “covenant” in Strong’s Concordance the word “contract” is not listed as any of the definitions. In this article, I make the point that Christians should have a different view of the words covenant and contract even though the world has made them synonyms. If your comments are true and there is no difference, then that means that God has a contract with His children? I think not. If Christians are going to defend marriage by quoting Malachi 2:14, then we should be living out our marriages as covenants like the covenant between God and His people. I want to assure you that I am not making up my own definitions.
Brenda @TripleBraided recently posted..Do Your Stories Bleed a Little?
Brenda,
I the word contract and covenant are synonymous. The way you are thinking of the word and how the word should actually be used are two different things. Every Bible dictionary that defines a covenant uses the word contract as a synonym. Here is a list:
Easton’s bible Dictionary- “a contract or agreement between two parties”
Smith’s Bible Dictionary- “a solemn compact or agreement”
http://www.blueletterbible.org/Search/Dictionary/viewTopic.cfm?type=getTopic&topic=Covenant&entry.x=48&entry.y=12
There are others that validate this.
In secular dictionaries you will find that the definition for contract and the definition for covenant are essentially synonymous.
Covenant definition: “an agreement, usually formal, between two or more persons to do or not do something specified. ”
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/covenant?s=t
Contract definition: “an agreement between two or more parties for the doing or not doing of something specified. ”
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/contract?s=t&ld=1063
This is just the tip of the iceberg. Scholars, linguists, and many others in the academic world understand them both to mean the same thing. The bible uses the word covenant, not contract, that I understand. But the definition in both Greek and Hebrew is an agreement, or pact, or anything along those lines.
There is more, but that is all I will give for now. In essence, I understand that marriage is built off of covenant between two people under God. I agree. What I do not agree with is how you redefine contract to mean something different than covenant. I see Christians redefining words without actually looking in dictionaries or academic resources. Language is powerful and it can be used inappropriately if definitions are not carefully understood and used in their contexts.
George,
Thank you for your input. I think we’ll have to all agree to disagree on this point. The main point of this article is not covenant versus contract and the definition as such. The point is the Gospel of Jesus Christ. The point is to model our marriages according to God’s Word so that we may put on display Christ and His Church. The point is that it’s an everlasting commitment to one another just as God’s commitment to us is everlasting. Jesus Christ died for the sins of His beloved church. Our marriages are meant to give the world a tangible display of God’s covenant with us. I’m afraid we’ll miss the forest for the tress if we bog ourselves down in the semantics. I believe Brenda did a great job of explaining the difference between covenant and contract according to God’s Word and not secular definitions. Thanks for stopping by.
By Grace,
Leigh Ann
Leigh Ann recently posted..Intentional Conversations: Set Your Mind on Things That Are Above and Stop Comparing
I agree with with you that semantics can be distracting, but if we are Christians, should we not care about the words we speak to be sure they are used accurately?
I agree that Brenda did a wonderful job to describe a true marriage between a man and a woman as described in the Bible, but secular definitions is hardly the problem. At what point do definitions become secular or non-secular? Agreeing to disagree is what may be needed at this point to not drown out the essence of this article, but to ignore the facts concerning the words’ relationship and historical usage is to do the very thing the lost do. I pray that we will all learn from Brenda’s article, but most of all that we take heed to our words. God Bless and good night.
George,
As you said, Brenda’s post is an excellent description of a Biblical marriage. Her words point people towards Jesus Christ. Everything she said was spoken in love. *Love* is what we are called to do, as believers. None of her words (whether you see the word origin the way she does, or not) lacked the “greatest of these”. We are not commanded and called to all be Greek and Hebrew scholars. We are called to love. We are told not to get into meaningless and foolish arguments (2 Timothy 2:23-24). It would be best if we all stick to edifying words that build each other up, rather than nit-picking semantics.
Blessings,
Justyn Lang
Justyn recently posted..Renew Your Health Challenge
What a fascinating discussion! I think the main point of this article is that our marriage vows bind us to our spouse for life. It doesn’t matter if our spouse changes, if we change, if circumstances change… There is a spiritual connection between a husband and wife that cannot be broken. In a culture with a 50% divorce rate, we all need to guard against attitudes, comments and influences that suggest marriage is disposable. God bless each of you and may He work mightily in our marriages!!!
Brenda,
Thank you for a well-studied and well-said article. Your words pierced my heart (in a very good way!) and made me sit back and think. Have I been treating my marriage the way I should? With divorce rates in ‘Christian’ marriages climbing higher than in non-christian marriages, it makes you wonder if we haven’t taken it out of context per se.
This was a wonderful article to meditate and pray about. Thank you!