Why Am I Afraid to Become a Mother

This post is written by contributing writer, Tasha from Spann-ing the Globe.

No one tells you about the impending fear. No one mentions the doubt, the self-pity, the hesitation, or the anxiety. Instead, everyone shares their picturesque stories of the immediate love and joy they felt when meeting their baby for the first time. The beauty and splendor and incredible affection felt instantly, but no one mentions their trepidation for parenthood.

I am days, minutes, and hours away from birth but I can’t help to be afraid. Will I instantly forget how to change a diaper, even though I have baby sat more children than I can remember? Will I fall asleep and ignore my baby’s cries, even though I will have not slept more than two hours straight during the entire pregnancy? Will I bond with my baby? Will I be able to take care of this precious life? Will my baby love me? Will I allow my fear to control my natural instincts?

Just like so many other women, I have dreamed of becoming a mother since I was a little girl. I would take care of my dolls. I would name them, feed them, clothe them, and bathe them. Each one was cared for and well dressed. I was never afraid of them because of the enormous amount of love I had for them in my heart. This love overwhelmed any fear I had for breaking them.

I often wonder, is this what God feels? Does God feel this strong bond of love for his children which surpasses and overcomes any other possible emotion?

I have read so many books on how to take care of my baby, but I feel like they all say the same thing; nothing I have not learned babysitting, nothing I have not learned from life experiences when I helped take care of my younger siblings, nothing I have not learned by common knowledge. Why do so many books have the same information and leave me feeling so helpless?

Fortunately, I have been able to find comfort in the Bible, but this is how it should be! The Bible is overflowing with words of wisdom and so many apply to my new job–motherhood! Jeremiah 29:11 says,

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

My baby is important to the works of God, and she was created for a purpose that was determined by Him, for He knows her now, even before I have seen or held this precious little girl. This means that contrary to my fears and doubts, I am the perfect parent for my child. I am who God has chosen to help my daughter become the woman God intended her to be, even if I don’t feel perfect! What a relief to my fears!